We are all in late 50s and no one dares to ask...”
I understand all too well why you are saying this and IMO it is one of the biggest mistakes anyone, regardless of their age, can make. But I learned this the hard way after dealing with all the paperwork and legal issues after the death of my daughter and my mother.
Right after I completed all their estate issues and could deal with things a little more rationally I put together a loose leaf binder entitled “If I should die before I wake...” It has everything in it from names of utility companies and their phone numbers, who I owe money to, a list of all my possessions and who is to get what, things that could be sold and their value, all my internet passwords, list of who to call and their phone numbers, who to email and their addresses, how to run final reports for my clients, insurance policies, bank accounts, etc.
I glance through it every Saturday morning and update it as necessary. It’s kept on my desk and my son - who also has made his own book at my insistence - knows where to find it.
I have also started another book about my life. Contains some personal information I’m not sure my family really wants to know but it should make for some interesting reading for them.
Parents don’t necessarily trust their children, particularly when it comes to sharing financial information with them. But at least they should leave personal information in an organized form so that winding up their affairs is done in an orderly fashion.
My mom passed away last fall at the age of 95, and telling stories and remembering names from the photo albums from 70 years ago. She had written a bunch of notes on the computer of odds and ends of her life, and had put most of them into a history of her life. But we need to take the rest of the notes and finish out her story.
She was also very open with the finances, and gifts of certain things that she wanted which child to get. And my dad, who had passed first many years ago, had things well arranged.
My siblings and I were very blessed. The one thing if one is not keen on sharing all of that information with the children, I wonder if a third party (trusted friend, clergy, lawyer, etc.) could be given the information, and help the person make arrangements for the sake of the survivors? And perhaps more importantly, that their finances are in order so that if they live a good long time they are taken care of.