Read all of Malachi Martin's works starting with "Hostage to the Devil." Martin is like we are...a human being (perhaps more tempted because of his insight)...but he knows what is going on.
Hang tough, and God Bless you (I know He will).
1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. 3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.
Psalm 1: 1-3