Toaster Related Deaths at an All-Time High

James' blog ^ | November 26, 2010 | Unknown

[FreedomOfExpression]

Do flying toasters drop dry or buttered toast on you? Either is much better than what birds drop.

[null and void]

TOASTER: Would you like some toast?
LISTER: Uh-Uhm.
TOASTER: Some nice hot crisp brown buttered toast?
LISTER: Uh-Uhm.
TOASTER: You don’t want any toast then?
LISTER: No.
TOASTER: What about a muffin?
LISTER: Nothing!
TOASTER: You know the last time you had toast? 18 days ago. 11:36,
Tuesday the 3rd. Two rounds.
LISTER: Ssshhh!
TOASTER: I mean, what’s the point of buying a toaster with artificial
intelligence if you don’t like toast?
LISTER: I *do* like toast!
TOASTER: I mean, this is my job! This is cruel! Just cruel!
LISTER: Look, I’m busy!
TOASTER: Oh, you’re not busy eating toast, are you?
LISTER: I don’t want any!!
TOASTER: I mean, the whole purpose of my existence is to serve you with hot, buttered, scrummy toast. If you don’t want any, then my existence is meaningless.
LISTER: Good.
TOASTER: I toast, therefore I am.
LISTER: Will you shut up?!

[Kenny Bunk]

Although I enjoy toast in the tub, following an OSHA advisory, I moved my toaster from the bathroom to the kitchen. Are you now telling me that I am in danger there, too?

As far as the "groping" goes, does it count as a grope if a toasted bagel pops up, out, and down into one's pyjamas?

[wildbill]

No doubt the toaster failure problem is somehow related to the bank failures.

[Poser]

I have a flying toaster tie. My students have no idea what it is.

[Danae]

Spatula.... Pifffft. Spatula is all slap-n-dash. Its ALL in the garlic press, I am telling you, THAT is where the real squeeze is.

[Califreak]

My toaster ejects the toast directly onto the plate. : )

[ApplegateRanch]

That toaster in your kitchen may try to kill you... or at least grope you!

That could be the least of your toaster problems...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec

[Lazlo in PA]

My toaster also plays my worn out collection of Bay Watch tapes. That seems dangerous on its own.

[PGalt]

Good post. Unplug your toaster before you use a knife or fork to try and extract your stuck bagel/bread/english muffin/etc.

[PGalt]

Good post. Unplug your toaster before you use a knife or fork to try and extract your stuck bagel/bread/english muffin/etc.

Life/Safety BUMP!

[ApplegateRanch]

Great minds, etc. See #48

[ApplegateRanch]

Tell your students that if they really want to see flying toasters, they need to be in Berkeley, after dark. ;-’)

[timestax]

bump

[timestax]

ping...something to smile about !

[ApplegateRanch]

Relax, and enjoy your toast! This story only applies to electric toasters.

Ask Santa for one of these, which even works during power outages!

Sure, it only toasts one side at a time, but at least it won't electo9cute you.

Of course, if you're more interested in toasting your buns, rather than your brad, then you may need one of these:

[Daffynition]

This should be in *Breaking News* People otter read the important message.

[Daffynition]

[toast]

Not my fault.

[dixiechick2000]

I have a little different take on this.

I’m seeing many potential Darwin Award winners. In fact, we may have a glut of ‘em! lol