Posted on 05/31/2005 3:17:31 PM PDT by CHARLITE
It’s always been easy to dismiss what happens in Canada as irrelevant. That has changed somewhat with endless revelations that Canada is a haven to terrorist organizations and there is little political will to do anything about it on account of fears of offending ethnic communities at voting time.
But Canada deserves scrutiny for other reasons these days. Liberals have taken to admiring the Canadian brand of socialism and thousands threatened to move there if Bush won. He did and they didn’t. I guess those taxes and surgery waiting lists were a little steep for the Baldwins and all the other whiners.
Now, Canada has taken the lead in legalizing same sex marriage. Judges in seven of ten provinces have declared the marriage laws illegal. A corrupt and scandal plagued federal government will soon pass legislation that makes same sex marriage the law across the board.
This is inevitable and conceded by even the most dedicated defenders of the traditional definition of marriage. Now, the debate has shifted to the issue of whether churches will be forced to conduct same sex marriages. They surely will. Activists are salivating at the opportunity to take this to court.
So what happens if Prison Chaplains are also forced to perform same sex marriages?
This is not as far fetched as it might seem.
When the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that inmates have the right to vote in elections, they were very clear. Other than mobility rights and some reasonable restrictions on privacy, inmates retain all the essential civil liberties and human rights guaranteed to every other Canadian.
Does this mean newly wed inmates can automatically bunk together? What happens if the administration decides to reclassify and reassign one of them to a different institution? Imagine the flak when liberal media outlets get wind that prison transfer policies might break up Spike and Rocky’s happy home.
Hey, in addition to shotgun weddings maybe we’ll soon be hearing about zip gun weddings. Perhaps prison officials will want to rename the private family visiting quarters “the honeymoon suite.” And what’s the perfect wedding gift for this occasion? His and his matching prison tattoos? And would one inmate take the other’s surname or his penitentiary identification number?
This would make for quite the ceremony. “Do you inmate #4663-08 take inmate #3231-91 to be your lawfully wedded spouse and beloved bunk muffin?”
Will parole eligibility become a communal asset that one can transfer to the other? And what about when the marriage turns sour? Can one inmate get a restraining order against the other that says he has to stay thirty meters away? Does he have to pack up his personal effects and move out of the cell and sleep in the boiler room? Will the more resourceful of the pair be ordered to provide his ex with a monthly supply of cigarettes and candy bars? And who gets custody of the pigeons?
There’s more.
Many commentators have expressed alarm that same sex marriage will lead to legalizing polygamy. Although technically illegal, there are entire communities in Canada where polygamy is widespread and, fearing a freedom of religion court challenge that they’ll lose, authorities refuse to lay charges. Muslim leaders have also publicly spoken that once same sex marriage is fully legalized they will demand polygamy also be recognized on religious grounds.
Put the two together and things ought to be interesting. Same-sex polygamy fully legal north of the border. Even in the slammer.
Supposing Bruno; the biggest, toughest, meanest SOB on the tier decides he’s going to marry each and every convict in his cellblock. He could control the drugs, contraband, gambling and all the other prison rackets with immunity. Why? Because no one in Canada can be forced to give evidence against their spouse.
Too bad the post election exodus never materialized. It would seem liberals and Canada deserve each other.
John Martin is a Criminologist at the University College of the Fraser Valley.
Comments: John.Martin@ucfv.ca
"hilarious on absurdity of Canadian liberalism!"
If you were living in Canada and disgusted with the direction that the country is going you woudn't find it funny at all.
LOLOLOL. Funny.
Regular folks will begin to see their gov't as less and less relavent. Maybe the d**k smokers and jihadis do deserve each other. The future of western civilization does indeed look bleek.
The federal gov't is run by homosexuals, multicultural
lobbyists, chickens and anglo saxon haters....or irish,
scotch, white european for that matter.
Oh well.....at least America will soon start getting
the cream of the crop while the minorities with all their
particular social agendas will flourish up here in the
snow belt.
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