Posted on 02/24/2024 12:32:34 PM PST by nickcarraway
When Lemon8 user Caipngwfish got together with Elton Quek, some of her friends weren't exactly supportive of the relationship.
"Are you sure you want to date him?"
This was a common question she'd get from them. The general perception was that she was dating down, which she defined as dating someone who earns less than her.
In a recent Lemon8 post, she shared her personal experience of what it is like to date downwards.
"In this day and age, it generally means lesser earning power or less educated," Caipngwfish pointed out, adding that at one point, her monthly salary was almost double that of her partner's.
Anticipating some potential pitchforks, she immediately provided a caveat that dissing her boyfriend was not the intention of her post.
Choosing cheaper dating spots Using earning power and educational level as parameters, Caipngwfish noted that it is a fact she dated downwards.
While their relationship might have ruffled some feathers, she told AsiaOne that "dating down never affected them".
Given that the relationship went against the "marrying-a-graduate mindset" some families may have for their daughters, Caipngwfish added that there were some initial disagreements with her mum.
But eventually, the relationship gained her approval.
In the Lemon8post, she went on to explain that Elton was upfront and honest about his income at the start of their relationship. She told AsiaOne that she wanted to keep the details of their occupations private.
At that point in time, Caipngwfish was raking in almost twice his salary so she chose to lie to him about hers.
"I didn't want him to feel emasculated," she explained.
Early on, the couple would often head to cai fan stalls for dates and occasionally, they'd treat themselves to a meal at Genki Sushi.
Caipngwfish mentioned that she was not too bothered about this.
Even when they dined at fancier food establishments, Elton would offer to foot the bill.
"Getting the bill made him more motivated to do better in life because he needs to keep up with the 'new standard of living'," she explained.
Double his earning power So Elton knuckled down and doubled his earning power within a year, in order to "reach the same standing" as his partner.
Caipngwfish said she very much values how humble and down-to-earth Elton is, even now when he is able to "provide for her".
While she does not deny that money is important, there are also other factors one should look out for when looking to find a partner.
"Find someone who loves you, someone who is dedicated, persistent and funny," she advised.
Mindset, character and attitude are some of the traits Caipngwfish values in a partner, but his need to "want to be a provider" ranks top as a requirement.
Despite the differences in spending power when they first got together, it did not seem to hinder their relationship.
"I have honestly never been happier," Caipngwfish said.
Correct - I was being nice :)
To my understanding, it’s less than 1%. Some of these average women think they deserve a guy that also makes $400k+, or even $1M, pushing them into the 0.0001% of men.
It’s insane. I can only conclude our current cultural messaging to young girls is the cause. Men get the opposite.
That said, it appears it’s causing a new generation of young conservative men.
My siblings and friends thought I was dating down. My father wasn’t sure at the beginning but my mother knew my husband since he was a baby and heartily approved. He is honest, hardworking, loyal, and strong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your mother is better than smart... she is wise.
Your comment reminds me of a discussion I had the other day with an associate and he was asking me about hiring employees. I told him this..... I’ve hired quite a few people and the first things to be convinced of is that the potential employee is honest, hardworking, creative, respectful, family orientated, will go the extra mile and hopefully communicates well and will never piss of a customer. As for technical skills, I don’t even ask about them.... my thinking is that if my first screen of finding a person who fills the criteria of honest etc. is successful, I will be able to teach the person to have the necessary technical skills (in fact it will work out better since if I teach them from scratch, they will be doing things my way). However if these other characteristics are not in place, the most technically skilled person will be of zero value to me.
So you think men should only date women who refuse to go out with someone who makes less money than them?
“I never made more than about 1/3 of what my wife did. However were both well paid”
I’m at about 2/3 of my wife’s salary.
We’re both professionals and earn respectable incomes. Her organization is headquartered in NY, so her salary is consistent with a professional New Yorker’s.
No complaints here, nor do I in any way feel emasculated.
It all goes into the same account gents.
Pressure
If he doubled his income in one year, sounds like he was knocking over banks and Brinks trucks.
The relationship lasted until the feds closed in.
Nope. I don’t know why you would come to that conclusion based on my response to the excerpt I posted.
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