Posted on 09/23/2020 10:28:58 AM PDT by Red Badger
I'll say:
“The Porker’s Last Will and Testament” by Petrus Lambecius
(V. Barnab. Brissonium de Formulis lib. VII, p. 677) [ex Lister, 1705, p. 196; Lister, 1709, p. 236].
“I, M. Grunter Corocotta Porker, do hereby make my last will and testament. Incapable of writing in my own hand, I have dictated what is to be set down:
“The Chief Cook sayeth: ‘Come here, you—who has upset this house, you nuissance, you porker! I’ll deprive you of your life this day!’
“Corocotta Porker sayeth: ‘What, perchance, have I done? In what way, please, have I sinned? Have I with my feet perhaps smashed your crockery? I beg of you, Mr. Cook, I entreat you, if such be the case, kindly grant the supplicant a reprieve.’
“The Chief Cook sayeth: ‘Go over there, boy! Fetch me from the kitchen that slaughtering-knife. I’m just itching to give this porker a blood-bath!’
“Mr. Porker, realizing that this is the season when cabbage sprouts are abundant, and visualizing himself potted and peppered, and furthermore seeing that death is inevitable, asks for time and begs of the cook whether it was possible to make a will. This granted, he calls out with a loud voice to his parents to save for them the food that was to have been his own in the future, to wit:
“To my father, Mr. Genuine Bacon-Fat, appointed by me in my last will I give and bequeath: thirty measures of acorns; and to my mother, Mrs. Old-Timer Sow, appointed by me in my last will, I give and bequeath: forty measures of Spartan wheat; and to my sister, Cry-Baby, appointed by me in my last will, whose wedding, alas! I cannot attend, I give and bequeath: thirty measures of barley; and of my nobler parts and property I give and bequeath, to the cobbler: my bristles; to the brawlers, my jaw-bones; to the deaf, my ears; to the shyster lawyers, my tongue; to the cow-herds, my intestines; to the sausage makers, my thighs; to the ladies, my tenderloins; to the boys, my bladder; to the girls, my little pig’s tail; to the dancers, my muscles; to the runners and hunters, my knuckles; to the hired man, my hoofs; and to the cook—though not to be named—I give and bequeath and transmit my belly and appendage which I have dragged with me from the rotten oak bottoms to the pig’s sty, for him to tie around his neck and to hang himself with.
“I wish to erect a monument to myself, inscribed with golden letters: ‘M. Grunter Corocotta Porker lived nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine years, and had he lived another half year, a thousand years would have been nearly completed.’
“I ask of you who love me best, you who live like me, I ask you: will not my name remain to be eulogized in all eternity? if you only will prepare my body properly and flavor it well with good condiments, nuts, pepper and honey!
“My master and my relatives, all of you who have witnessed this execution of my last will and testament, you are requested to sign.
“(Signed) Hard Sausage Match Maker Fat Bacon Bacon Rind Celsinus Meat Ball Sprout Cabbage.”
Thus far the story by Petrus Lambecius. The fifth of the signatories of the Porker’s Testament is Celsinus; and since the other names are fictitious it is quite possible that Lambecius had a special purpose in pointing out the man for whom the dish, Porcellus Celsinianus,—Suckling Pig à la Celsinus—was named.
Celsinus was counsellor for Aurelianus, the emperor.
Red Badger should I be worried? My sister who is a mentally disturbed liberal know-it-all was knocking the heck out of my breakfast of coffee, 2 eggs and sausage. I told her that given that I have a BMI of 21 (5’6” 62 kg) and a sustained Heart Rate during exercise of 165 BPM, a Max HR of 185 BPM and riding a bicycle at least 100 miles per week I thought I should be able to consume this breakfast without feelings of guilt, may I ask if you agree?
I was lucky, the cardiologist said...No tissue damage...............
You are burning more than you takes in......So you’re good to go............
Often what people think is eating healthy, isn't.
You can probably raise your HDL into the 70 range by taking a 20 mg dexamethasone dose weekly in pill form. ... or at least that works for me and I can’t believe that I’m that unique.
Cut carbs not animal fats.
On the other hand, my sister never in my memory did anything that could be considered “exercise” such as playing ball or going for a walk or riding a bicycle. Imagine growing up and never really playing outside or running, swimming or anything. Not because you couldn’t but because you just didn’t want to. She has always been overweight and has high BP, type 2 but has being an authority on all things well in hand.
I have concluded that if we are active and pushing our HR up to stress levels often and doing some kind of physical activity and don’t smoke and keep our weight in line we should be at low risk for an infarction regardless of our diet.
Excluding the fast foods and desserts, that list looks like my regular diet. My hubby and I both lost 55 lbs eating those things, and my hubby was able to get off his cholesterol, blood pressure and diabetes medications eating those foods. Seriously!
Don’t forget the fried green tomatoes!
Gun porn AND Food porn in the same photo!
“...cigarettes, Jack Daniels and caffeine.”
Ahhh the three food groups!
“Then what clogged my arteries and required a quad-bypass op?.......”
My father and I lived completely different lifestyles. He smoked, drank, ate whatever. He was not, however, overweight. I was a jogger and weight lifter most of my life. He died of a heart attack at 58. I survived a massive heart attack/cardiac arrest at 59. Genetics are grossly underrated in health concerns. I don’t think you can beat them, either. Now I have to worry about my mother’s death from cancer at 63.
Keep the cheese, skip the crackers.
You’re on!
Seems like this fits in this thread.
Article "Arterial Plaque Reversed in Humans"
People should read it make up their own minds. Life Extension also sells products as well as recommending and discussing standard pharmaceuticals. There are footnotes referencing supporting studies.
I eat at least 45 eggs a month, and have been for the last 25 years. My cholesterol is a source of amazement to the doctors, and my resting heart rate is 62, my BP is 125 over 70 and I am a 67 year old male. What I do is limit carbs, and emphasize vegetables and protein.
Usually these people with all these health problems are the “experts” at telling everybody else what to do. I don’t know how many countless people weighing over 300 lbs and riding a mobility scooter — tell me their doctor told them there is nothing wrong with them, but to make sure they eat carbohydrates (sugar) as often as possible — so their blood sugar never goes down.
And so with constant elevated blood sugar, the body has to work triple time to produce insulin to get the sugar out of the blood (and into the cells), until they eventually develop insulin resistance (diabetes) — while depriving the body of essential protein and fats that produce the predictable age-related diseases of brain and muscle shrinkage and dysfunction because that is what they are made of — and not carbohydrates (plant-based), which the body does not need to consume, and can produce as much as needed by the natural process of breaking down its own tissues in the recycling process that renews one’s tissues (autophagy).
Otherwise, the sugar just accumulates until it rots the entire body — and makes it susceptible to all kinds of infections (Covid-19 anyone?)
Me too...
...crazy hookers with knives, Point Break skydiving, and misty autumn walks in Seattle.
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