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I learned to make waffles. I generally eat them with raspberry syrup. Sometimes, my cat and I travel the roads like a hobo. If a stranger is especially kind to me, I bequeath him millions of dollars and disappear.

I like to stay in my room a lot and grow my fingernails until they curve.

Oftentimes, I will sail the Caribbean and the coast of the dark continent pillaging unwary travelers and merchant ships. At times like these, should a lovely maiden be taken, I will kiss her lustily until she wants to marry me then I will laugh and run off.

I build robots in my spare time. I have a small army of them in a warehouse downtown. They are combat meks and they will serve me well when the zombies come.

I like to watch Netflix and chill. There is much to be said for a nice, long shit.

I sleep until the sun is warm, like eleven, twelve in the afternoon. Then I go to the Piggly Wiggly and whittle sticks by the stove. Me and the boys make up stuff and tell it to each other.

I like to teach gung fu classes to half Chinese boys over at the north shao-lin temple. I reminisce about the time the south sha-lin temple attacked my students and I in the market. I was young at the time, and was beaten. I found a new master who taught me Dragon style. I sought my revenge and was beaten again. Again, I learned Tiger style. Same result. This went on several times. Until I combined all the styles I had learned, including woman and drunken style.

It was at that time that I was victorious and had my revenge. These memories comfort me.

But mostly I watch t.v. and sit on my ass.

Coffee's good.