Posted on 10/19/2017 7:05:07 PM PDT by markomalley
Spam heists are on the rise in Hawaii, so much so that stores are putting the fatty canned meat treat in locked plastic cases.
The black market for Spam is real in Hawaii because the price has been on the rise, along with other grocery goods. However Spam is a particularly popular food staple in the string of islands as it is used in a variety of dishes particular to the state.
Stores have started putting Spam under lock and key. The Honolulu Civil Beat found cans of Spam locked up in a case at a Walgreens this week, with a sign that says 'Items electronically monitored for theft.'
There have been at least three reported major Spam thefts in recent months, with one of the heists thwarted and another ending in a $1,000 reward to capture the suspects.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
That would make for some very entertaining commercials! TV, online or radio. Think of a Spam equivalent of the Hamburglar.
Spam is huge in Hawaii.
Ode to Spam:
Oh SPAM! Oh SPAM! Gourmet delight!
My food by day, my dreams by night.
To carve, to slice, to dice you up -
pureed in a blender and sipped from a cup.
What shining deity from Olympus knelt
down to the earth and hog butt smelt?
Creating then man’s eternal desire
for swine entrails congealed by fire.
On some corporate farm, a pig has died.
Eyes, tongue, and snout end up inside that cube
of SPAM hidden in the can
I now hold in my trembling hand.
More than mere food, SPAM is for me
a hedonistic expression of gluttonous glee.
Mottled with pork fat, the pink cube engrosses.
My mouth takes it in, my intestine disposes.
Long have my arteries clogged to the sound
of sizzling SPAM when there’s no one around -
furtively chewing or swallowing whole.
Triple bypass by forty, my medical goal.
Other processed meat products I’ve tried or declined
Vienna Sausages, Treet, even pig’s feet in brine.
Though each may be tasty in different ways,
none matches SPAM for gelatinous glaze.
That glistening pinkness beckons me
with gristle, fat, and BHT.
Oh SPAM, my SPAM - the taste, the smell!
The sacred meat product, from Hormel.
Hawaii consumes 7 million cans of Spam a year and there are only 1.42 million of us currently living in the islands.
That is a lot of potted meats per person!
Across the vast Pacific, cargo cults await the return of free SPAM dropped out of the sky by the Big Steel Birds.
Spam is what I always think of when I read Orwells 1984 and he describes the chunks of meat in the “food” Smith and the rest eat in the cafteria.
SPAM!
The homeless hordes are starving.
Count me up as a major consumer!
Nothing best a slow-fried Spam sandwich for breakfast.
Nothing.
Bacon and Spam?
That’s too much
Doesn’t Hawaii have a very serious wild pig problem? Plenty of pork on the ground!
Oh wait! Demoncraps control the place and guns are evil! Silly me!
Spam will never die. It’s a very efficient food.
Historical note: Nikita Khrushchev credited American lend lease Spam with preventing him from starving to death during the Battle of Stalingrad.
Toasted or untoasted?
Drop it as relief aid in Muslim countries but relabel it as Halal Lamb.
or is that too devious?
Reminds me of how Gillette razor blade refills are locked because so many people steal them.
Not too devious.
I was on a flight out of BIAP. Small jet aircraft crewed by Ukrainians. I was the only Westerner. The rest were Iraqi, Arab, Muslims. The meal served was a baloney sandwich. I looked around and an Iraqi behind me sniffed the meat in his sandwich. He then ate it. As did everyone else on the plane.
Lol. They’re all going to Muslim Hell ‘Cept me.
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