I can only speak for myself but I had no idea what to expect from being a first time parent. I didn’t read up on infant sleep until I was already losing my mind. All of my friends that had babies before me never talked about if they had problems or they had babies that just went to sleep.
My husband works with heavy machinery, is on anti-seizure meds and gets up at 3 AM every morning, which all meant that I was the primary caretaker at night. He let me get a few hours when he got home and then it was 45 minutes at a time for many, many months. It wasn’t until I stopped pressuring myself (and her) that I realized she wasn’t really abnormal. i also threw everything I thought I knew about baby/toddler sleep out the window. We sleep together in bed now and have began to string 4-6 hours of rest at a time. She’s a lovely, normal child and I have started feeling like a human being again. I realized she’s just a high needs kid that loves to snuggle and be with her mom and dad.
But I totally 100% empathize with you. We both want another kid but that will be it. I can’t keep doing the infant thing. Always said i felt like I was a shell of myself for the first 6 months of her life.
You may recall my posts from long ago, or maybe even caught wind of it.
I stopped working because our daughter would only sleep in 20 minute spurts. She actually stopped that only a few months ago.
She would sleep longer at first if she was on our chest. That lasted about a year. Then she had to hold our hand. Now she needs to hold our hand to fall asleep but she’ll stay asleep after that.
And for the past 2 weeks 8 hours of sleep are now happening at night, with small exceptions. I sometimes walk her back to her bed but you must understand - This is TOTALLY a dream come true (!).
I quit my job and “sorta retired”. My wife stopped working. We used to sleep on the couch, and on a sleeping bag on the floor. I slept on the floor next to the bed (we got rid of the box spring and frame so it’s just a mattress on the floor.. incase she fell out) on a sleeping bag. For about 8 months while getting her in her own bed I slept on the floor next to her bed in a sleeping bag. My wife took the first 4 hour shift and I took the second. We held her hand but we slept on the floor.
People called us crazy, but the way we learned to accept is that is just what a parent does. If you try something for a bit, and it doesn’t work don’t get hung up on it. If there is one thing that is permanent in a baby is change. Our daughter was a new baby week by week. New habits, new needs, new hangups.