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Money Manners: If my Date Doesn’t Reach for Her Wallet, What Should I Do?
San Jose Mercury News ^ | August 17, 2017 | EANNE FLEMING and LEONARD SCHWARZ

Posted on 08/17/2017 9:44:34 PM PDT by nickcarraway

Q: I’m a 50-year-old guy who’s been divorced for about a year. I’m beginning to date again, but I’m uncertain who pays for what. A friend tells me that he always pays for the first date when he goes out to dinner with someone new. But after that, he splits the check 50/50, unless there’s a special reason not to, like it’s her birthday. This sounds reasonable to me. But what should I do if, on the second date, the woman doesn’t reach for her wallet as I reach for mine? My friend says he just tells his date, “It looks like your share’s about $X” and hands her the bill. I’m not sure I’m that brave.

A: We once heard a female comic say: “Of course, I’m a feminist. Not a buy-my-own-drinks feminist, but still a feminist.” Our point is, you’re right to be concerned that some of the women you date may be slow to reach for their wallets. But fear not. You’ll find your own voice for proposing to split the dinner tab as the dates — and the bills — start to pile up. Just to be clear that there is nothing wrong with asking a woman to pay for her share of dinner. The problem with your friend’s “50/50 after the first date” rule is that one size does not fit all. Au contraire.

Even by the second meal out, you’ll probably have a more nuanced financial relationship with a new or prospective romantic partner than you do with, say, a friend at work. So instead of worrying too much about when and how to ask your date to get out her credit card, spend more time considering how you’ll want to handle the situation if you begin seeing someone regularly who has significantly

(Excerpt) Read more at mercurynews.com ...


TOPICS: Food; Hobbies; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: date; dating; men; women
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To: Axenolith
Damn dude, I bet an elderly comic could really rock that plan... ARF!

When I was young I relied upon my good looks and incredible stamina. Now it's all about skill.

81 posted on 08/18/2017 12:32:10 AM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Biology is not bigotry.)
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To: nickcarraway

And this guy and his friend wonder why they are single.


82 posted on 08/18/2017 1:37:47 AM PDT by Vermont Lt
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To: 2ndDivisionVet

That was back in the day when men were men & women were women. I’m so glad I lived in those days!


83 posted on 08/18/2017 2:00:32 AM PDT by FES0844 (G)
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To: Cementjungle
Dude, if you can't afford her Big Mac and diet Coke then perhaps you shouldn't be dating.

Haha... good one but ya know; those Big Mac's ain't as cheap as they used to be. Fast food is fast but it isn't necessarily cheap. Not Outback or Benihanna's expensive but not cheap either.

I went to one of those Benihanna type places in Vegas one time last year. I only got hot tea with it and the bill for just me was $90 with tip. I like to treat myself once in a while but not quite that well.

I figure the actual food cost for the restaurant was under $7; the rest was profit or to pay the help.

84 posted on 08/18/2017 2:21:23 AM PDT by Boomer (Have RINO republican pols been radicalized somehow?)
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To: tumblindice

The chef in “South Park” explains prostitutes to the children in that way: “You don’t pay them to stay, you pay them to leave”.

An acquaintance had a live-in girlfriend for years; he was wealthy, and wouldn’t let her pay for anything. When asked why, he said tenants had rights; he was cold, but shrewd and calculating. After many years she left; he’d always made it clear he never wanted kids, and eventually she decided she did.


85 posted on 08/18/2017 2:52:59 AM PDT by kearnyirish2 (Affirmative action is economic warfare against white males (and therefore white families).)
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To: Monterrosa-24
I was going to pay the whole ticket of course but found out Shoney’s was just beneath her. So the second date didn’t happen.

At least you saved your scalp by not offering to stop at 7-11 to pick up a loaf of bread, package of lunch-meat and jar of mayonnaise...........

86 posted on 08/18/2017 2:53:09 AM PDT by varon (There's always room for one more on the hanging tree.....)
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To: BenLurkin

Mad’s number 4 rule of life:

You can’t always buy it, but it always costs you something.


87 posted on 08/18/2017 2:55:29 AM PDT by mad_as_he$$ (Not my circus. Not my monkeys.)
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To: Enchante
dude, the answer is you just invite her straight to your hot bachelor pad for a home cooked meal......

HA! I do this, and sometimes it works! Ends the "your place or mine questions" as well. I don't have a "hot" pad, but a stylish, comfortable place. Women seem to like that, I've found.

88 posted on 08/18/2017 3:05:38 AM PDT by Ace's Dad (BTW, "Ace" is now Captain Ace. But only when I'm bragging about my airline pilot son!)
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To: poinq
And by the way daughters cost a lot more and you always pay for them.

HA! Wait 'til you get granddaughters! And you have no control over how many you get! I have four. But they are worth it!

89 posted on 08/18/2017 3:10:50 AM PDT by Ace's Dad (BTW, "Ace" is now Captain Ace. But only when I'm bragging about my airline pilot son!)
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To: dfwgator

OMG, if it was Sambo’s, it would be on fire right now.


90 posted on 08/18/2017 3:16:51 AM PDT by ronniesgal (still winning (and a self satisfied Pr!ck, according to WMarshal))
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To: 353FMG
Then YOU reach for her wallet.

Or, since you carry, you whip out the Glock and say, Pay up, b!tch.

91 posted on 08/18/2017 3:22:53 AM PDT by Moltke (Reasoning with a liberal is like watering a rock in the hope to grow a building)
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To: nickcarraway

Divorce: The screwing you get for the screwing you got!!!


92 posted on 08/18/2017 3:27:19 AM PDT by tired&retired (Blessings)
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To: 2ndDivisionVet

SO right. You’re a real gentleman.


93 posted on 08/18/2017 3:39:10 AM PDT by patriot08 (5th generation Texan-(girl type) We won! Ok, Donald, let's ROLL!)
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To: hinckley buzzard; All
You mention Denny's. That was my first date with my husband! We didn't even get a meal just dessert which we shared and it was a big piece of chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge. I told him on the way I had no money with me, we had just been driving around in a car that started out in second gear. He had maybe $15 on him. We were both 16!!! 1986!! Then later, as poor college students we could both eat at 2 am at Taco Bell for $10. Oh the memories! We would pool our cash at the end of the night! Maybe that's why we're still together. We didn't have a lot at first but we knew we were a team.
94 posted on 08/18/2017 3:40:26 AM PDT by MacMattico
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To: dfwgator
IIRC they used to be called, "Sambo's".

When Sambo's closed, the remaining units were bought by Denny's/Baker's Square.

95 posted on 08/18/2017 4:23:14 AM PDT by Prov1322 (Enjoy my wife's incredible artwork at www.watercolorARTwork.com! (This space no longer for rent))
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To: nickcarraway
Oh, Fer Pete's sake. On a date, the person issuing the invite pays. Unless the guest insists on paying or offers to go Dutch. This ain't rocket science.
96 posted on 08/18/2017 4:27:45 AM PDT by mewzilla (Was Obama surveilling John Roberts? Might explain a lot.)
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To: nickcarraway

This is stupid simple: Take cooking classes and make meals.

Restaurant food sucks anyway...


97 posted on 08/18/2017 4:37:45 AM PDT by logi_cal869 (-cynicus-)
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To: Monterrosa-24

You dated Liz Warren?


98 posted on 08/18/2017 4:40:48 AM PDT by fishtank (The denial of original sin is the root of liberalism.)
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To: MacMattico

I’m currently in the dating pool. I’m 43.

DRINKS

First date is a drink. I ask to meet for happy hour at someplace decent. (not applebees, not outback, not olive garden)

If we’re not a match, I’ve only committed to a drink, both in time and expense.

I pay for the drinks.

DINNER

If we hit it off, it’s easy to just ask for the next available table, or to grab a hightop in the bar area. The food will be good, because I’ve chosen a decent place.

I pay for dinner, regardless of how it goes. Most decent women will offer to split the check, but will allow me to pay when I insist.

AFTER DINNER

If dinner goes well, I ask her to play pool, throw darts, or grab dessert at a more “gritty” bar or diner.

If she agrees, we generally have a good time and take it from there.

If she refuses because it’s “beneath her”, we’re not a match, and I generally won’t ask her out again. If there’s a valid reason to refuse (over dressed, getting late, etc) I take that into account.

Dating as an investment. You have to invest the time, money, and effort necessary to find what you’re looking for.


99 posted on 08/18/2017 4:44:31 AM PDT by ConservativeWarrior (Fall down 7 times, stand up 8. - Japanese proverb)
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To: nickcarraway

Yeah.... I am 29 and even I know the guy is suppose to pay. Luckily I don’t have to deal with girls like that anymore as I simply don’t bother dating.... people my age are just not worth the time or investment.


100 posted on 08/18/2017 5:25:10 AM PDT by VaeVictis (~Woe to the Conquered~)
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