Suicide victim’s mom shares lesson of living with grief (16-yr old accomplished NM girl)

The Albuquerque Journal ^ | April 19, 2017 | Joline Gutierrez Krueger

[CedarDave]

Kerianne Gardner of Albuquerque had read the obituary I wrote about my 23-year-old son, Devin Glenn, when it ran in the Journal on March 14, nearly a week after he had stuck a syringe of heroin into his arm, a habit he had managed to keep from me for nearly four months until his death later that day revealed his secret.

Gardner was a regular reader of obituaries, she told me. As a stylist who does hair for older clients, she sometimes came across names she remembered.

She hadn’t known Devin, had never heard his name. But after she read about him, how young he was, how sudden his death seemed to be, his name became one she could easily remember.

The next day, Gardner’s 16-year-old daughter, a brilliant, beautiful girl with a love of birds and a reserved sensibility beyond her years, put a .40-caliber handgun to her forehead and fired.

Aurra Gardner had been a straight-A honors student and was in her sophomore year at Eldorado High School. She was an accomplished cello player with the Albuquerque Youth Symphony and her school orchestra. She loved her family. She didn’t drink, didn’t do drugs, didn’t seem haunted by any past trauma or boyfriend drama, didn’t dwell in the darker corners where despair hides.

“If you were to meet her, to meet us, you’d have thought she was a happy girl,” Gardner said.

Aurra was also her own worst critic, a girl who demanded much of herself, her mother said. “She expected perfection from herself,” she said. "You don’t have to be perfect, I’d say. But for her, that was not OK.”

[CedarDave]

Despite her many accomplishments, she couldn't live with herself for not being perfect. It doesn't appear that her family was pushing her; she was pushing herself, too hard it seems. Recently, she had become anxious and stressed and the morning of her death she and her mom had an appointment with school teachers and the school counselor. There was a gun kept in the house because of recent neighborhood break-ins and she used it to end her life.

I'm far from being an expert here, but I believe the lesson for parents and grandparents are to be aware of behavior changes that go beyond regular changes that occur during the young teenage years. Hopefully recognition can lead to intervention before a tragic event such as presented here happens.

Aurra on cello 2015

[pcottraux]

My high school valedictorian (also voted most likely to succeed) committed suicide less than a year after graduation. Her story sounds remarkably similar to his. Sometimes the pressure on young people to always succeed and be the best is more than they can bear. It’s the very accomplished one’s you have to keep an eye on.

[Blennos]

This is a horrible, tragic event, unbearably sad.

[BlueLancer]

"My high school valedictorian (also voted most likely to succeed) committed suicide less than a year after graduation."

My time came in my second year of college. Luckily, when it happened to me, I blew out completely with a nervous breakdown, pretty much became catatonic, and had to be institutionalized for about three months. Honestly, while I had experienced setbacks in things that I was trying to do, I never really experienced failure until that time. Between that and my tendency to keep things bottled up inside me, my circuit breaker popped, possibly preventing me from doing something permanently similar.

It doesn't take much to push you over the line, and I learned a lot from the experience. I'm 63 now and quite happy with the way that my life has turned out. But I was only saved to get this far because, when I collapsed, I didn't fall off the cliff at the same time.

[CedarDave]

This is a horrible, tragic event, unbearably sad.

Make sure you watch the video. The music is Saint-Saëns: The Swan (Cello and Piano) and unfortunately it sets the mood. She was only 14 when she played it; a couple of misses but overall acceptable.

[Blennos]

I did watch the video. I know the music well. Such a beautiful and talented young girl. A tragic loss to her family and to all of us.

[CedarDave]

A truly tragic story from today's ABQ Journal. May she rest in peace and may her family know that the thoughts and prayers of many are with them.

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[wyowolf]

Just terrible :(