Posted on 02/24/2017 12:44:23 PM PST by BJ1
In a post published on Love What Matters, Billy Flynn explained: "It's my ex-wife's birthday today so I got up early and brought flowers and cards and a gift over for the kids to give her and helped them make her breakfast.
"Per usual someone asked me why the hell I still do things for her all the time.
"This annoys me. So ima (sic) break it down for you all."
He went on to explain why he chooses to treat his ex like this and what he hopes to gain from it.
"I'm raising two little men. The example I set for how I treat their mom is going to significantly shape how they see and treat women and affect their perception of relationships.
"I think even more so in my case because we are divorced.
"So if you aren't modeling good relationship behavior for your kids, get your sh** together.
"Rise above it and be an example. This is bigger than you.
"Raise good men. Raise strong women. Please. The world needs them, now more than ever."
(Excerpt) Read more at mirror.co.uk ...
The man is not buying his ex-wife gifts. He is buying his sons gifts for them to give to their mother.
The purpose is that his sons grow up to be gentlemen. I praise him for that.
The man care about what kind of men his sons will be and is acting appropriately.
My wife’s ex was a complete louse but I made sure she always treated her ex with respect in front of his children. It didn’t help much because he made sure himself that his children knew what kind of person he really was. But at least they knew what kind of people we were.
I think he’s totally right. Too many people try to win divorces, you can’t, the best you can do is survive them. I know a couple that have been split longer than they were married and are still constantly at each other’s throats, not good for the kid or them. Much better to understand that since they had kids they’ll never be truly quit of each other, keep it civil, keep it supportive, and enjoy watching their kids grow up. He’s in a position where they’ll both be able to enjoy their kids’ graduations and weddings and children, much better than having their kids dread their parents turning their big events into war zones.
“I could not more strongly disagree with this guy. But what say you? “
Maybe just to have a good reason for his fingerprints to still be all over the house...
...or not.
But the up side is as the kids grow up they start to see the difference between the bitterness of the one parent and the truth of the other and that’s what matters.
Despite what she may or may not say, the kids see his actions.
Guys, every “news” article is really propaganda. We need to consider the source: a fake news organization and a woman author that published this drivel. Their message with this article is telling men it is ok to be d-bags and go make breakfast for the woman that divorced them.
>>>I think he’s totally right. <<<
You and many others agree with the man in the article. Most guys when the wife initiates the divorce, especially when they have kids, are devastated. Odds are there is another man at that house and I’m not really sure how coming over to celebrate the ex-wife’s birthday with the kids is beneficial. My dad left for another woman. If my mom acted like this I would have viewed it as an act of desperation. I would have lost respect for her.
And just out of curiosity, do you think she reciprocates in a similar manner? You know to make sure the kids know how great bio dad is?
You do agree with this, right?
Jerry I like how you put that. That’s my feeling when I see so many news stories. It’s like the media is constantly telling us to change our thinking. And it’s never complete. Once something is accepted, there is a never ending list of new agendas that are all set to go.
Been there, done that.
I agree with him. My boys, now men, benefitted tremendously.
I think it’s strange that the guy is welcome to show up at the ex’s house and help cook breakfast, but they couldn’t work out their differences and stay married. Also, he got up early and brought flowers as a gift “from the kids”?
I might take the kids shopping and help them pick out cards and gifts for them to give (probably not flowers), but I definitely wouldn’t be at the house cooking breakfast.
It would be interesting to know what the divorce about. If it was all on her (either she just wanted out or she didn’t behave in a manner compatible with marriage), then he needs to model not being a doormat. If it was all on him, he should have thought about modeling good behavior for the kids a bit earlier.
It’s called emotional maturity.
Do I agree with the the greatest gift a father can give his kids is to love his mother?
Do you believe women are better than men and should be put on a pedestal? She left him. She caused this man to stop living with his kids. She is likely, but not stated either way, that she has another man.
Is it proper for a divorced man to continue to love his ex-wife? I don’t think it’s proper at all. The man will be trapped for the rest of his life if he stays in love with her. He definitely can’t get a new wife if he still loves the ex.
And I have a real question I would like you to answer specifically. Does your advice work both ways? Should she show their children she still loves their father?
Romans 12:20
Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
Appropriate ways of showing love when you are married or romantically involved are different than when you are not. We are supposed to love our neighbors, too, but I’m not going to show up at their house with flowers and start cooking breakfast.
It’s OK to be devastated, but life is filled with devastation, character is in getting over it.
Part of the problem here is you’re piling on assumptions. We don’t know why she filed for divorce. Could be she caught him cheating. Could be he was a hard careerist and she felt abandoned. Could be they were just a crappy couple.
Doesn’t matter if she reciprocates. Actually if she doesn’t it’s MORE important for him to show a positive roll model to the kids since he knows they aren’t getting one over there. And keeping in touch allows him to continue to observe the household, make sure the kids’ living standard is at it should be.
War zone divorces help nobody. Especially the kids as they become the most common weapon in the war. I’m the product of a war zone divorce, I barely keep contact with my mom and none at all with my dad. Neither of them is really worth my time and a lot of that has to do with me as an adult realizing just how much energy they didn’t have to devote to child rearing because they were devoting it to screaming at and sicking lawyers on each other. They decided what was more important to them, and now I’ve decided what is more important to me.
But showing up and making breakfast and buying gifts for your ex-wife is a little over the top.
I suppose you’d object that I sent my ex dtr flowers on her anniversary of her marriage to my son?....I suppose I should just hate her?...infact,I love her....
And just out of curiosity, do you think she reciprocates in a similar manner? You know to make sure the kids know how great bio dad is?
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What difference would that make? Who cares if she (or he) reciprocates? The point for any parent is to be gracious and set a good example for the kids.
Remember this: A child sees themselves as half mom - half dad. And if any parent hates (or does not show respect even) for the ex, then that child picks up on that and see that they too also are hated and disrespected.
Be the grown up here. Show love and respect to your ex. Chances are very good that your kids will also be married and divorced, but do the best you can in a bad situation regardless of how your ex treats you.
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