I Agree With Pat Metheny
Richard Thompson
I agree with Pat Metheny
Kenny’s talents are too teeny
He deserves the crap he’s going to get
‘Overdubbed himself on Louis
What a musical chop suey
Raised his head above the parapet
Now Louis Armstrong was the king
He practically invented swing
Hero of the twentieth century
‘Did duets with many a fella
“Fatha” Hines, Bing, Hoagy, Ella
Strange he never thought of Kenny G
A meeting of great minds, how nice
Like Einstein and Sporty Spice
Digitally fused in an abortion
Oh, Kenny fans will doubtless rave
While Satchmo turns inside his grave
Soprano man’s bit off more than his portion
Brainless pentatonic riffs
Display our Kenny’s arcane gifts
But we don’t care, his charms are so beguiling
He does play sharp, but let’s be fair
He has such lovely crinkly hair
We hardly notice, we’re too busy smiling
How does he hold those notes so long?
He must be a genius. Wrong!
He just has the mindlessness to do it
He makes Britney sound like scat
If this is jazz I’ll eat my hat
An idle threat, I’ll never have to chew it
So next time you’re in a rendezvous
And Kenny’s sound comes wafting through
Don’t just wince, eliminate the cause
Rip the tape right off the muzak
Pull the plug, or steal a fuse, Jack
The whole room will drown you in applause
Yes, Kenny G has gone too far
The gloves are off, it’s time to spar
Grab your hunting rifle, strap your colt on
It’s open season on our Ken
Yet I await the moment when
We lay off him and start on Michael Bolton
Oh, I agree with Pat Metheny
Kenny’s talents are too teeny
Now that is a tour de force!
One of the compositions played by Armstrong’s Hot Five was Cornet Chop Suet.