In my experience, just about the only thing that seems to work with these rockheads is public humiliation.
I would take my story to a local reporter or talk radio host. If doing so would not infringe on your wife’s privacy too much.
I appreciate the advice
I have over 20 years in the medical claims end. Call up and ask to speak to a manager/supervisor. Explain the situation. They should be able to just override and pay as an in network claim. If not tell them that you will contact your state’s banking and insurance department. No one is going to want to deal with a doi complaint over such a small issue.