Ditto what sit-rep said. We waste so much time hoping for what might be instead of embracing all the good and amazing that is. Remember that you are worth the effort for someone. Just guard your heart. The right one will capture it.
What Dallas Gal said is so true.
You did not ask for advice, but here it is:
Trust in the Lord, engage Him in prayer, and he will guide you.
Probably there is something about this girl that keeps calling you back. It is something familiar from your old way of living, but it is not a good thing for you, as it feeds into an addictive urge you have. Know that there is a woman out there who deserves you and is deserving of you. She is probably right under your nose.
Prayers up for you.