Posted on 10/04/2016 3:42:40 AM PDT by gaggs
While funny, very funny, the language used by black parents to their children is awful. I remember walking out of the Dairy Queen years ago and a small black child came running out. The mother admonished the child, yelling “git cho narrow a....”. Upon noticing me, she did not complete her sentence. They know it’s wrong. Isn’t it even “illegal” to use profanity towards a minor?
Its a shame that terminology is so often confused these days, just like “Wifi” now means all types of internet service. This was not a Taser. I suppose what they do normally call them (a “Stun Gun”) is still something of a misnomer.
That reminds me, it’s time to call my Mom, and thank her again, for teaching me valuable life lessons, and remaining a lady in the process.
The type of kid who puts her finger in the electric socket just “to see what happens.”
..............
Flashback...as a stupid kid I did that ONE time!
Really? She looks White. Cracker musta jumped the fence in her lineage.
Yea you know that be right.
“He might still be electrical”
My mom would tell me to do it again but in the shower . . .
“”Mom has quite the potty mouth...perfect response besides that...””
Agree about the potty mouth but I’d be tempted to use it on her.....
Did you tell them they wouldn’t be smart until age 18 - then revised to 25 - then 35? I know you don’t have any that old YET. LOL My daughter wanted to know why I kept raising the age. I wanted to know why it went from “Mom, I’m 17. I can take care of myself” to “But Mom, I’m only 17.”
Planned to drive from OC to San Francisco in the middle of the night with friends because there would be less traffic then. After arguing for a day and a half, “You’re right, Mom. We’re going to leave at 7 in the morning.”
“”Isn’t it even “illegal” to use profanity towards a minor?””
I doubt it (but it certainly should be PERIOD) but isn’t it Michigan that passed a law that cussing would be fined/punished when done in public, in a crowd? A case came up years ago about cussing when someone complained hearing it in a boating area IIRC...
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat, Gracie, looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it, dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles no where to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
“”and remaining a lady in the process.””
Amen! I can say I learned a good lesson from her. While I may have said some “bad” words in my many years, they certainly aren’t comparable to what is spoken in mixed company in today’s world nor would they be taking the Lord’s name in vain. Our father cussed and of the four offspring, one (the male) cussed; we girls did not.
“I’m not touching you either cause if you Tasered your damn self you might still be electrical”
Priceless
Oldest is 25. If she’s going to learn from experience, it’s been done.
The rest, I fear, are so insulated from real consequences that they’ll continue being dingbats indefinitely.
What is a kid doing with a taser???
LMAO! Funniest thing I’ve read in quite some time.
LOL OMG!
I laughed ‘till I cried!
Too funny!
I at least only stuck in a screwdriver!
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