Posted on 09/09/2016 5:37:46 PM PDT by Chickensoup
My son 21 is courting a wonderful young woman20. She is educated, motivated, traveled, religious, warm, intelligent, thoughtful and attractive.
My son likes her very much. She likes him very much.
They both are hearing family and friends tell them not to marry so early. She will have a great job with a great future. My son will have a baseline investment income and can work full or part time as the family needs.
He is disorganized and would do well yoked. She seems to enjoy his eccentricities. I am encouraging early marriage. Would like to hear Freeper opinion on early marriage in today's marriage marketplace.
In the future, post your advice to the lovelorn and marital questions in chat.
My husband’s parents have been married over 50 years. They put together quite a little happy life and saved and bought two houses together and are very much enjoying their retirement together. They had 4 kids and loving relationships and family all around.
Out there these days for dating couples is a scary world. Disease is rampant and personally I’m so glad not to be in it.
early 20s is not that early. Love and perseverance is the key. Make it work, it’s no greener in other pastures most of the time.
Hell no.
Yep. Got married the weekend after my high school graduation to my wife who was 23 at the time. We had a number of people tell us not to do it. A lot of those people are divorced now. We are still going strong after 30 years.
“Marry in haste,
repent in leisure.”
I am a baby boomer. Got married right after high school at age 17. Been married for 51 years. It was the right thing for us. Best to let the kids make the decision. It’s their life, and they will be the ones facing the consequences down the road. JMHO.
Hard for anyone to say who doesn’t actually know them. But I would say “yes,” if they really want to.
My wife was 19 when we were married, and we’ve passed our 50th anniversary, with tons of children and grandchildren.
I’ve heard there are pre-marriage counseling programs that might be helpful to give the marriage a better shot at working. Have not had direct experience with them...just knew a young man going through one and he seemed to think it was a good program.
Freeper input?
While I can’t really favorably endorse a young marriage... being a grandpop at 40 was awesome!
Now we are 60ish and have 8 grands and 4 great-grands. We raised our children to be independent based on the fact that they would have to put themselves through college, and they did it and tell us they’re better for it. BTW we finally tied the knot at 25 and 24 years old with 2 and a set of twins on the way. Was it the right way to do it? Nope, but we’ve been blessed and nerve forget that we are blessed.
If he is ready willing and able to commit his whole life and loyalty to her, and she hers to him, they are not too young.
It is goos o hvew
I don’t think it is a matter of age at all but what is extremely important is that a couple take the time, however long that may be, to really know each other first, and that does NOT mean live together or sleep together. It means get to that person in hisor her daily walk. Get to know the parents, co-workers and others that know them. Know what they have done in their life. And they need to understand what/who they are IS what and who they will be. You get what you buy.
I was 22;she was 21.
40 years later we are still married.
And we courted for 5 years before we married.
They have plenty of time to get married.
Courting is important—you learn a lot about a person that way.
Marriage is too late to learn who the person really is.
Well, odds are lower for younger people getting married to stay together— but you never know— it certainly isn’t impossible..
They should wait until graduation and can support themselves without help from parents.
If they are financally independent, then it’s their decision.
sorry
Not trying to offend.
There is no upside to marriage for men in the United States marrying an American woman. The downsides are tremendous especially if children are produced.
I suggest you, and him if possible, watch the documentary, Divorce Corp. It is freely available on the internet.
If everything herr was not totally stacked against men, I would say go for it. If people did not use divorce alimony and kids as their entitlement “job” for 18 or more years, it would be a different story.
My wife and I did that with our minister. We even took a "compatibility test", which was a series of questions. There was no right or wrong and the test wasn't to see if we should get married. It was designed to get a number of subjects discussed that young people might not think of. I was glad we did it.
With all due respect, your own description puts me in the “wait” column.
“My son will have a baseline investment income and can work full or part time as the family needs. He is disorganized and would do well yoked. She seems to enjoy his eccentricities.”
Until a kid comes along, then the enjoyable eccentricities aren’t so cute anymore. This is a young guy who is disorganized, maybe we’ll work, maybe he won’t. His wife will have a job and he’ll at least have passive income.
Prediction: if they marry now, she’s banging her boss or another senior coworker within five years, somebody who makes things happen.
Get the young man up on his feet, out the door, self-sufficient, self-confident.
My oldest daughter married at 22 but she as well as being a wonderful person, has her feet on the ground and is in grad school. Her husband is a generous, loving and devout Catholic and the shared faith gives them strength in day to day travails. They decided to marry and that was that- no one could or would have tried to stop them. They were marrying for all the right reasons and the wedding was wonderful.
My advice, be happy for them. Get to know her. Give them time and let them decide without any nudging.
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