Missed the Silliness last week. Hope to make up for my absence.
Winners of the Look Alike contest:
I was going to insert here the joke about Donald and Killary going to the bakery but you've prolly already heard it.
My therapist said my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
h/t Jack Hydrazine
A riddle (answer below, but no peeking): Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
h/t Ray
When The Wedding Reception Open Bar Opens...
Speaking of Hillary...
h/t Alex
Who says building a border wall won't work?
The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call."
h/t aRay
I know a man who had eight vasectomies because his wife kept getting pregnant.
What do you get when you cross PMS with GPS? A crazy bitch who will find you.
h/t Spanky
Here's one for Lucky. Use as you will:
Answer to the riddle above (here's the question again for short term memory loss FReepers: Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?) Answer: It was the pot calling the cattle back.
h/t it
Cross out Cruz and write in Comey.
| Dear Alcohol, We had a deal that you would make me more handsome, funnier and a better dancer. I've seen the video. We need to talk. |
Do your part: We need to ban pre-shredded cheese to make America grate again!
h/t wnm
