Posted on 08/18/2016 10:13:58 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o
Only hours after he learned his only daughter was dead, Ed Shoener sat down to write her obituary. It felt like one way he could still take care of his little girl.
He and his wife, Ruth, had been steeling themselves for this day since Katies first hospitalization more than 11 years ago. He knew immediately why the police were at his doorstep the night of Aug. 3. Yet nothing prepares a parent for the details about how their child ended her life.
But if Shoener, a deacon at his Catholic church, learned anything watching his daughters long struggle with mental illness, its that the disease that plagued her is tragically misunderstood. The last thing he could do for his daughter was try to help others understand.
So, with stunning candor, he began her obituary like this:
Kathleen Katie Marie Shoener, 29, fought bipolar disorder since 2005, but she finally lost the battle on Wednesday to suicide in Lewis Center, Ohio.
[snip]
In their small, closeknit community little is kept secret, and everyone at church and at school knew Katie had tried to kill herself. And in those early days, with the diagnosis of bipolar still raw, the Shoeners carried the shame too often associated with mental illness....
[So], overwhelmed by the fatherly pull to protect her, her father wrote this in her obituary:
"So often people who have a mental illness are known as their illness. People say that she is bipolar or he is schizophrenic. Over the coming days as you talk to people about this, please do not use that phrase. People who have cancer are not cancer, those with diabetes are not diabetes. Katie was not bipolar she had an illness called bipolar disorder Katie herself was a beautiful child of God...."
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
I am so sorry.
I believe that mental illness has a physical cause and no psychiatrist can heal them.
We need more research. I have 2 nieces who have been suicidal and both have thyroid deficiencies. One has benefitted from treatment. I don’t know if that really is a factor but it is something worth looking at. The nieces aren’t related, one is my family, the other is my husband’s.
“That’s why it’s wrong to talk about somebody as “gay.””
Well, they usually don’t like it when I say they “caught the gay”.
“They should be medicated and given a chance at life, or locked up (if they refuse).”
Not all mentally ill people are dangerous. There’s many many different types and degrees of mental illnesses. To say they all need to be locked up for refusing treatment is a very dangerous proposition.
My son was diagnosed last year a at 20. His grades in college plummeted as he has been trying to figure out medication.
He pulled it together enough to get his degree, but he doesn’t have a job. I’m still not sure if he should come home or not.
My mom has bipolar, but she was older when she was diagnosed. My dad took good care of her for years.
Wasn't there one of the republican candidates that was big on mental health?
I had similar experience with anti-depressants making me worse.
Was sleeping way too much, doc just assumed “depression” and prescribed anti-depressants, despite my protests.
I was NOT depressed or suicidal, just so exhausted and achy I could hardly function.
This doctor just based his diagnosis on a 5 minute conversation, no lab work. He told me “They’re called happy pills ‘ cause they chase away the blues.”
Subsequent doctor actually did blood work. Turned out I had a major Vitamin D deficiency. Staying inside and over sleeping made it worse.
Google SAD—Seasonal Affective Disorder; and fibromyalgia.
Taking Vitamin D and magnesium made all the difference.
Not trying to diagnose you, but perhaps my experience might help.
In those rare moments when I thought I might need to seek help, the “Duke’s” words gave strength:
“Well, out here, pilgrim, a man learns to solve his own problems.”
The realization that the highest physician suicide rate is among psychiatrists also kept me independent.
Nowadays, going to a shrink gets you on a Federal database and if you’re a vet, the possibility of losing your gun rights and winding up on a terror watch list.
Not worth the hassle.
So sorry for your loss.
(((Hugs)))
bump
“Well, they usually dont like it when I say they caught the gay.”
Maybe they were “pitching.”
“Katie Shoener”
Lovely eyes. She’s the one I would chat up at a party. Which is why I’m still single.
The one consolation is that she is now truly free.
How much magnesium? I’ve got the vitamin D covered.
Thanks. I do take lots of vitamins, minerals and other
natural stuff AND it does make all the difference in the
world. - I’ve had to take blood pressure pills; but have
cut down on those in recent years. (I’ve had a lot of stress
in my life. Husband has had lots of major surgeries; until
finally his surgeon retired and the practice cut him off.
I think they were getting scared that I was going to sue
their butts for allowing him to order up surgery any time
he wanted.) He finally died on the table in the last one
he had AND I told them NO MORE! I also told Fang NO MORE.
This is CRAZY!!! It IS possible to get addicted to just
about ANYTHING!
I agree with your assessment, look at all the mass shooters
I follow the Duke’s word also. I don’t even go to the doc ever.
Not a huge amount of magnesium. Not OXIDE form either!
Magnesium is typically taken along with calcium, as well as Vitamin D—a kind of Holy Trinity that usually goes together.
But after taking all three together, my calcium levels went too high, so now I only take the other 2. I eat a lot of leafy greens and drink milk daily, so I was overdoing it with the calcium pill.
I take 5000 IU of D3, plus 250 mg of magnesium per day.
But your mileage may vary-—it’s very important to get the blood analysis done first. Taking too much or not enough for YOUR metabolism could really throw you out of whack.
What I’m getting at is that a lot of health problems—mental or physical— might actually be nutritional deficiencies.
A acquaintance of mine was diagnosed schizophrenic— but she lived on coffee and cigarettes !! After a few days of healthy meals, she became quite delightful to have around !! Convincing her to eat was a problem, though, since in her crazy phase she was convinced people were trying to poison her.
She kept lapsing back into her coffee and cigarette habit, due to living alone.
Sometimes, a parent has to do what is best for them personally, even though it may place a disabled child in a less than convenient situation. One of my sisters had a son who (I found out later) was knocking holes in walls, and threatening her when she didn’t keep giving him money for drugs and alcohol. She slept with a baseball bat under her bed.
He was soon in jail on drug related charges, and stayed that way for years. The whole family worked on her during her son’s incarceration. We finally go her to admit that he is too dangerous when he decides not to medicate. He is too dangerous to live with her, his mom.
You may wish to explore other options. Even if your son is not violent, he may need constant attention and monitoring. Something a fully staffed licensed facility would be better suited to handle.
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