Posted on 11/23/2015 9:22:28 AM PST by wbill
My son, who's in third grade, loves playing soccer. And while I'm under no delusions that he’s going to be a professional athlete, I want him to reap the benefits of team sports for as long as possible. That includes making great friends, developing a strong work ethic, understanding how to be a team player - and learning how to deal with disappointment.
Last weekend, his team lost and it was hard to watch, but after hearing my son's rationale on the car ride home, I realized that he needed to experience what it was like to lose. He explained that the ref had made bad calls, the grass was too long, and the ball was flat. I stopped him and said, "Bud, the other team played really well today and you got beat. It wasn't the ref's fault or the grass's fault or the ball's fault. Your team lost, and it's OK. It happens. You're upset, and that’s OK, too. But life goes on."
I didn't know what else to say, but I knew there was a greater lesson in there - and not just for kids who play competitive sports. When I volunteered at my son's field day last spring, teachers didn't keep score in any of the events, and there were no winners at the end of the day. When I asked the P.E. teacher what was up, she said, "Oh, kids these days don't know how to lose. We'd have too many meltdowns if we kept score." ....snip....
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I was surprised to see the author decry the practice. Losing is never good, but it is necessary for there to be a winner.
And, FWIW, WBill Jr has never, ever, said, "YES! I just participated in a mutually developmental, team-oriented, physical activity!"
He has, on many occasions, celebrated a good butt-kicking in various sports and games. Or, gone home in contemplative silence after receiving one. Good character builders, both of them.
Good article. I too was expecting to ready some whiny soccer mom screechings.
Glad to see she has some wisdom.
And this is the beginning of "cry-bullying". We now see it in its fully developed form on college campuses and Black Lies Matter riots.
Losing is very good for young people. My daughter plays college tennis. By her junior year she went down from #6 to #9 and having to deal with freshman beating her.
She thought it was because she was getting worse as she played. I told her “you’re not getting worse. It’s just that your coach is a great recruiter. He has a job to keep”. “You’ll have to rise to the occasion”. She did.
There’s a HUGE difference between HS and college tennis where you actually have coaches that rely on the job for their income.
Geez. Back in my day we kept score and somebody lost but nobody had a meltdown from losing. What the heck has happened to our society? How the heck are we raising children nowadays??
A long time ago in a galaxie far far away I was a pretty good tennis player. I got that way by purposely playing the best I could find and getting beat a lot.
I remember in elementary school, we had a soccer game , and it was the boys against the girls. That right there would be verboten nowadays I’m sure.
But, in the game, the PE teacher spotted the girls a 5 goal handicap. I can just imagine how that would go over nowadays.
For the record, the boys won 9-7, with 5 of the 7 girls goals representing the handicap score.
I wonder if any of the girls in my class were scarred for life from that game.........
Good point. In seeking out better competition to improve yourself, you also set up a situation in which you would be defeated a number of times.
I hope you weren’t scarred for life by losing........
We passed and ratified the 19th Amendment.
The kids are keeping score even if it's not posted on a scoreboard.
Maybe this is why we have had so many Columbines these days — kids and adults don’t know how to deal with losing.
Everyone will fail at something. Failures seem to happen more often than successes and if a person has not learned to deal with failure, then life will be tough and very frustrating.
For five plus years, his teams have been trounced. However, I know the scales will even out when he's in HS.
A couple of years ago, something came over him, bringing out a rage on the field I had never seen. In the course of ten plays, his clean but physical play caused one opposing player to be kicked out for taking a swing at him, and another was penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct.
And a legend was born. Trouble is, he's 13 and all of 5'7" and 105 pounds. I'll let him play freshman football next year, but that's it if he's not at 150-160 when he's a sophomore.
It's carried over to basketball, where he's made his team the past two years, thanks to his fearlessness when going for loose balls, rebounds, or setting screens. Some measure of payback's been gained, as they've beaten those other schools handily in basketball. lol
We don't let him complain about officiating, though I'll earn a couple of nudges to the ribs (courtesy of my wife), when I voice a dissenting opinion on a call that goes against us. lol
I'm sure you know the answers to those questions.
It's not going to end well.
Ain't that the truth! My 5YO grandson just finished his first year of flag football. Scores weren't kept, but during the post game meal, all he could talk about was his medal for winning an "undefeated championship." lmao
We've created a monster. He'd play football 24/7 if he could, and his favorite game is "NFL Rush Zone", a card-match game with all 32 teams.
Even if no score is kept, the kids know who won...and who lost. Having no scoring matters only to a much, much older crowd.
I thought the answer was going to be,”because I bet on the other team”...
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost more than 300 games. Twenty six times I’ve been given the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again.... and that’s why I succeed” - Michael Jordan.
Better have the meltdowns and learn to deal with losing at the young age, than older in life events with greater life consequences.
One time I was talking to my team after a loss and I said, “You all tried really hard and played best but the other team was trying really and they were just better today.” One of the mom’s was mortified until her son turned around and said, “Mommy they were better.”
None of the kids suffered any lasting harm from my pep talk and all continued with sports...even when I coached!
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