I know. Suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. That is the only thing that has stopped me, so many times.
Life is filled with ups and downs. I must admit, I thought about it too at various times in my life. But then time passes and things change.
Please don’t do this to your family. It will leave a lasting scar on your children. My father took his life with a gun in 2004 and I found him. Nothing good will come from this, nothing. Regardless of your beliefs, there is a very simple prayer I want you to pray. “Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me” Say it over and over until the darkness passes. Pray it for your family, “have mercy on” my son, daughter, husband, use their name and repeat it for every name that comes to you. You will get through this if you want to.
Will pray for you at mass tidy. Take heart, the days are long and the pain seems never-ending but there is a light at th end and we don’t see it until we are in it
Get up and take Ellie for a walk, every day. Anytime you feel this way. It will help release endorphins, and the world is a beautiful place. See your doctor too, but walking will help immediately.