Thank you.
And I will let my Lab Ellie sleep with me (which my husband hates, but I’ll wash the sheets before he comes home).
There is a reason they are called Man’s Best Friend. I need to ping Joe 6-pack! :) he has the dog list! :)
Your Ellie can help you, she finds joy in simple things and enjoys every waking minute. I’m sure she’s not worried about the back wall of the house. Revel in her perception of your shared world for a while, it’ll help take the pressure of your worries and fears away for at least a little while, long enough to get some perspective. There are people who love you, plus at least one dear animal. You matter more than you know, understand that.
My personal theory and I have seen too many suicides (law enforcement) is that you can get so down that the chemistry in the brain follows suit. People who do that have usually lost perspective for many reasons.
Please focus on Ellie and everything else that is good in your life and keep the faith. There is nothing wrong with talking to someone because you need perspective.
Each of us needs something bigger than ourselves to live for even when life gets rough and we don’t have the energy to face it - God and family for me. Imagine the hurt to all that you love and all that you would miss. That is real and when you can’t see that anymore it’s time to seek professional help - it might seem like suicide fixes your problem, but as others have said it passes those problems on to everything around you - even our pets!
Sending you love and praying you will seek help beyond the limitations of FR. Your brain is telling you one thing, but listen to your heart!