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Original picture by The Oatmeal
Posted on 06/25/2015 9:55:49 AM PDT by Lazamataz
Quickly responding to the Confederate Flag dustup that was caused by accused mass-murder Dylan Root's affinity for the banner, companies have swiftly responded, removing offensive merchandise and anything that might link them to the American Civil War. Walmart, Amazon, Sears, eBay stopped selling Confederate flag merchandise.
Apple corporation removed all Civil War themed games from it's "App" store. Sensing that the time was right, the History Channel has announced that it is pulling itself from the cable lineup because they produced a series called "Civil War: A Nation Divided." Honda has announced a recall of all Civics, because of the similarity in name to Civil, which some claim reminds them of the Civil War.
Two school textbook companies, Houghton-Mifflin-Harcourt and Scholastic, have come forward to announce that all chapters related to the American Civil War will be removed from elementary and college texts.
A major dictionary publisher, Merriam-Webster, has ordered a recall of all dictionaries it has published to remove the words "confederate", "civil", "war" and "south" since these words may offend some. It will no longer include these offensive words in future editions, a spokesthing confirmed.
CVS has announced that it will be changing its name, because the letters C, V, and S are found in the phrase "Civil War Southerners". "Better we err on the side of caution, then offend ONE PERSON," CVS's spokesthing stated.
In Jackson, Florida (a city that will soon be renamed) all Civil Litigation shall be named Non-Criminal Litigation, so as to avoid the word 'Civil'. This move is likely to be mimicked throughout the country, one legal analyst noted.
The American Society of Librarians has recommended that the letters C, V, L, F, D, W, E, A, S, T, and R be stricken from the alphabet, since they can be assembled into deadly assault phrases such as "Confederate" or "Civil War" or "Southern". When asked what we could use in their stead, the spokesthing for the Society remarked, "Russia has used Cyrillic letters to great effect for hundreds of years, and they never had a racist southern confederacy."
President Obama appeared at a press conference today, and, noting the recent corporate moves, stated "I want to thank the companies who have acted, for doing the right thing today. However, you are still not off the hook. We will be looking to you to do a lot more.... reparations and outright discrimination against whites is something we will be encouraging."
Apple Pulls All Civil War Games Over Confederate Flag Controversy
There was no satire tag. We are all Salem, Massachusetts, now.
That is when I decided to write this.
There was no "Civil War"
Only a brief period in our History known as "unpeace"
Get your Vault Tec paperwork in order.
This HERE jUS IN
al-sharpton-to-protest-brooklyns-general-lee-avenue-!!!
its GWINE DOWN!
What? What? I don’t understand any of those words you say you are omitting. Never heard of them.
Original picture by The Oatmeal
Anybody here own a KRISS? trying to decide between the carbine and pistol.
Fer reelz, dude. We are on page 99 of the 100-page novel.
You are right, Laz. It is just a matter of time now before the PTB start rounding up “the usual suspects” and hanging them. America has become silly. And therein lies the danger.
Your pinglist notice has slavery on it. The Federales will be with you shortly.
I give it no sooner than 1, and no more than 5 years.
Yup. And no one to carry out burdens.
I am so screwed.
Months. At best. We can’t stay solvent for years.
Goodthink plus plus!
Well you are the guy that hits it more than all others here so...
Pretty much, yea ;)
We might be living it, but we won't get to play it.
Loved this!
It’s getting very difficult distinguishing between soccer and real news.
Nothing is too crazy these days.
Soccer IS real news.
Live it/play it. Think of your future as Occulous Rift with full sensory feedback.
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