Replies

My kids used (and use) flip phones - THAT IS IT. My wife, of course, has a real phone (like an Android or I-Phone). She gets the real phone because she’s an equal - if I wanted a real phone, she would support me too. My kids are not equal, their opinion on the matter DOES NOT COUNT. I’m sure they’d support me having a real phone too, if they too could get a real phone, but that doesn’t matter. We (wife and I) simply set the rules for them. When they have a well-paying job, THEN they can get a real phone. They DO NOT run things in this house.

That's very well said. Reminds me of when our kids were younger and we dined out occasionally. When it was just the wife and I and we had a baby sitter, I'd take her to a very nice place, because it didn't happen often and we were going to make a special occasion of it.

However, when it was us and the kids, and we wanted to go out to eat, it was Chuck E Cheese, Pizza Hut or some other very casual restaurant - unless is was a very special occasion like a graduation or a school award.

I'm sure the kids would have wanted to come to the fancy steakhouse or lobster place that I would take my wife too but they learned early that they were not going to be included on everything that the two of us did. When we took vacation with the kids, it would be Disneyland or some other child-friendly venue. But when they were 10 and 12 and my wife and I wanted to take a break and go to Hawaii together, we arranged to have them spend the week with my in-laws and the two of us went alone.

It was things like that that allowed us to keep our marriage vibrant, even though our primary focus was on the kids during that time. I know many parents who would never consider leaving their "babies" out of something like that, but my view is that lugging them along on what was supposed to be a romantic trip would utterly defeat the purpose of the two of us getting away, because that would have entirely changed the dynamic of the trip.

I did notice during that trip to Hawaii that other couples our age had young children with them that were often fussing and pouting and they were definitely not having a nice experience. Having the children involved in everything does not help sustain the marriage.

“That’s very well said.”

Thanks, it just seems like common sense to me. Kids start out knowing nothing and they stay that way for many years...if not well into adulthood.

Many parents let kids step in it, with the results often haunting them for life (babies, abortions, criminal records, crappy education and job skills). I work with a lot of those parents - but I don’t see the good in allowing a kid to wreck his life.

At first, I was proud of how my kids were doing (years ahead in math and reading, for example, not to mention very well behaved) - even though the kids were nothing special and not even self-motivated, at all. I figured that the young parents I knew would want to know what I did, so I told them. Big mistake. They heard it differently - what I told them (in their minds) was that they were crappy parents. I guess I can’t fully deny their conclusion...but either way, I just shut up - they can spend their retirement money on college (maybe), and helping their adult kids along - I plan to do some serious traveling, and retire early.