Bewildered and depressed...

Hi Cva, I’m just now seeing your response. Wow I think you’re on to something, and very perceptive, I might add cause just tonight I was completely overwhelmed at work, did not feel as if I had the energy to pick up the phone even one more time, found myself getting agitated and shaky. It’s a busy time at my job, due to the holiday season and there are so many more people in the room than usual, I find I can’t even stand their idle chatter. I say to myself gosh you people just yak and there’s no reason for it lol. Yes, I feel uneasiness in stores and would rather go after work when it’s empty, but even then there is an anxiety while I’m there, just a feeling that I have to get home for some reason.

When two people are trying to say something at the same time, or I have to shift gears from my paperwork to answering calls it annoys me more than it should. I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, I just thought I probably have ADHD or something along with it.

The vestibular ear angle is so interesting. I used to have dizzy spells and one night it was so bad it felt like I was being tugged to the left and I tried to sleep but even with eyes closed I was “swimming” so went to the ER and Dr. said his theory is 8th cranial nerve in brain...which I think IS connected somehow to the ear. Anyways, follow up at the ENT went nowhere as I got some fresh out of school girl who didn’t even bother to investigate. Just told the nurse to do a hearing test in a booth and “stare at my finger” while laying on a table. That was to establish if it was “vertigo.” Since the dizziness didn’t return in force I never pursued.

You say your family adapted to your hours, that sounds like such a relief, I wish mine would. They seem to for awhile but then it always comes to a head eventually. Like, my husband expressing his frustration and longing to do things during the day on the weekend, going out to breakfast, he’s lonely basically because during the week he comes home and is alone all evening and then on the weekends he’s up 5 hours before me and spends his “day” alone yet again. I do feel bad for him:(

I’ve tried that and in my old environment it was great! For the expressway noise here though I need a large-ish fan running on at least medium. That reminds me, my daughter years ago gave me a book called “I can make you sleep” I think a doctor or hypnotist wrote it, has a CD that goes along with, it’s a great program and worked for about a week. The problem was his voice would be low and soothing but when he’d pause and start talking again, that switch up would wake me right out of my peaceful doze. I think I’m a lost cause lol...doomed to paying high electrical bills for now.

Daughter actually called me today (shock) and said that my grandson cried and asked her to please call grandma and say sorry. Bless him. It took a 6 year old to... Well, I’m happy for any progress:)

From what you are posting you are in fact a Vestibular patient. That's the good news. You now likely know exactly what is causing it and have a name. That makes family and your own acceptance easier.

The agitation, confusion, lack of concentration, is a simple response to a neurological issue. Your Inner Ear and brain is like a computer processing data and operating programs. It has a certain processing speed and capacity. Vestibular Damage lowers the speed and the RAM {memory on hand}. When exceeded it will freeze up/crash until either reboot or programs are closed down. You can still do the same task, still have the same intelligence BUT how many task at one time you can do and process is limited. If this makes sense. It can cause lots of frustration.

Lifestyle must be adjusted I'll explain why. You can not be desensitized as in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy where they use exposure therapy to try and help you tolerate the triggering events. This is non phobic and CBT is mainly for phobic anxiety. It would be like hitting your fingers with a hammer to tolerate pain. You'll only get bloody fingers.

Limiting yourself as much as you can to the offending situations {noises} is needed. I love my family. But family gatherings are the roughest for me especially in a room where people are all talking at ones and kids are yelling. I hear them all and understand None Of Them. After a while I have to step outside. My dad had it but not to my extent as did his sister and my cousin.

There is a good chance your daughter also has it. How old are her kids? If she is dealing with them wanting her attention while talking to you she will have a short fuse or seem to have one. That's because her brain is trying to process too much at once. I get very frustrated trying to do something like read and be interrupted. If I'm posting for example I loose my entire train of thought and sometime I can retrieve my thoughts & sometimes not.

I'm not selling books LOL but honestly go to Amazon and get "Phobia Free" by Harold Levinson MD. He goes into clinical descriptions you and others can understand as well as cases. It's not a make you feel good go and chant type book. He is describing cause and affect of Vestibular disorders. The how comes and whys IOW. He discovered this in the 1970's and Vestibular Researchers have validated his findings in the past decade. He's a man way ahead of his time and decades ahead of current mental health.

I'll see if I can round up some more info. The links I posted to someone else are the ones I had that still work and Cognitive Aspects of Vestibular Disorders is a must read.

You will likely need to find a regular doctor who understands this and is willing to use Benzipines like Xanax or Klopinin {sp} for treatment. The older GP's knew about this and that's how they treated it. It works but you have to understand the things i posted about how to use it. Too much and/or not enough times per day does you no good. I take Xanax due to seizure activity this produces. You can likely be helped by Klonopinin more doctors are willing to prescribe long term.

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