Vans are great learning tools for kids.
If our two kids acted up in our minivan, we’d institute the “different seat rule”. We’d make one sit on the left side of the middle bench seat...the other kid would move to the right side of the back bench seat. Putting some space between them usually worked.
If we were in a restaurant, or any place really, when one of them acted up, we’d just ask “You want to go to the van?”. And, they knew without a doubt that one of us would haul their little fanny out to the van and just sit there. No smacking, no yelling...just sitting there while the others were eating or whatever. Didn’t take long to turn them around. Just the threat worked 95% of the time.
In the house we had the “different room” rule...they could not be in the same room at the same time.
If things got really bad...we’d do the nuclear option...the “different floor” rule (we live in a 2-story).
We darn sure didn’t need a microphone.
Ours was "We punish both of you severely no matter who is at fault". "That's not fair!"..."Life is not fair, you both lose TV for a week"...
We have the best behaved children I have witnessed and they get along amazingly well.
Rapid path to maturity: Learn fast how to work together and compromise, or suffer deprivation of "privileges".
I would have used the Lassie trick, as in “Jimmy is stuck in the Well”, right where we put him.
In my day, I love saying that, “the hand of fate” would appear from the front seat without warning.