I can't comprehend even this. A wedding is supposed to be a religious sacrament. It is the giving of solemn and sacred vows before the community and before God. It is not a party or an excuse to dun others for money. If you want to bring others who are close to you into your joy by extending them hospitality, that's fine, but don't expect them to compensate you for the mildly interesting spectacle of your wedding and reception. It's as appropriate to expect money at a wedding as it would be to expect people to pay you if you invite them to Thanksgiving dinner.
I usually give something I believe the new bride and groom would find beautiful and perhaps useful--perhaps an engraved silver bowl, julep cups, flatware pieces for their silver service, a Waterford vase or bowl, etc. They can take it back if they don't like it, but usually they do like and use it. of course, I try to attend only weddings of people I know well and they are usually well-reared young Southern ladies who will actually find a use for such gear.
How strange people are nowadays! Must be the advent of television reality shows or something so that everyone imagines she has to be a fairy princess for a day, no matter how much it costs and how far removed it is from reality. When you remove God from the center of the ceremony, you get this sort of greedy vulgarity.
Of course, one of the couples in this article is a lesbian pair who state that "weddings are for getting set up financially for the future," so what can you expect. I'm pretty sure they don't spend much time on their knees before the Lord anyway. Mistake #1: going to the wedding of people like that.
I'm a little put off by people telling me it's rude to think you need to cover your plate. These people are the very same supposedly polite "southern ladies" who introduced the idea of bridal registries to middle class Philadelphians and New Yorkers. Even 20 years ago, my wife and I had never even heard of them. And the first time we saw a registry, we were appalled that people would tell us what to buy them. (Here, although registries have become common, most couples still only register for showers, not the wedding).
All that said, there are a few people who don't need to worry about covering their plate at a wedding - the parents and grandparents of the couple and other very close friends and family. If they can't afford it, they absolutely should still attend. Otherwise, work people, not close aunts, uncles, and cousins should stay away if they can't afford it.
The way I see it, a wedding reception is a social occasion to mark a sacramental event. Here in the northeast, while eloping would be fine for a career, announcing a Church wedding date and not inviting the office could very well be career suicide.
As Catholic parents, we wanted nothing more than our children to be married in the Church. We realized the burden this planned and announced date put on our children and sometimes on their in laws. This is why we have always paid as much toward our children's receptions as we could. Of our 8 married children, I would say only one couple had very specific ideas about their reception. The rest were just trying to do what was socially acceptable.
And here that means a cocktail hour, an open bar throughout dinner, and at least a DJ. And if you're an attorney with massive student loans, a VFW wedding with a keg of beer and hot roast beef might be what's in the budget, but it'll hurt you in your quest for partner. And so, I maintain that here in the northeast it would be rude to be on the periphery of the couple's circle and to attend their wedding without covering the cost of your plate.