In the case I am speaking of a 30 something married mother of 3 went to inner healing at her church and came out convinced her older brother raped her repeatedly when she was 5 and he 6. He continued this behaviour for a couple years then ignored her sexually. The girl now hates her brother and has cut herself off from her parents as well because they “let the abuse happen” to her and ruined her life. The parents are still married (40 years) and in love with their grandchildren who they have also been cut off from. They don’t know what to believe but feel their life is ruined as well.
I have been talking to the girl’s mother and have told her that my feeling is that the boy would not have stopped the behaviour if he was physically capable of it and would have felt empowered to continue it forever, and that we don’t know where these memories came from suddenly. There is such a thing as false memory.
Now I’m wondering if I am wrong in my thinking.
I have heard of false memory syndrome, but I’m not a big believer of that. I don’t know about the church or the people involved in the “inner healing” counseling either.
It is possible that she is telling the truth. It’s also possible that her parents didn’t know it was going on, but that would be less likely, imo. Even if they didn’t know precisely what was going on, I would tend to think there may have been signs that a parent definitely could overlook.
As for being married for 40 years, I can’t count that personally as a reason to completely believe their claims over that of their daughter. So many things are screwy like that - particularly if there was/is some sort of abuse or dysfunction.
If I were in their shoes, I would believe my daughter over the son, but that is my opinion, and I don’t know what, if any, other behaviors the daughter may display now, or may have displayed in the past, y’know?
I will say that I had to cut my (adopted) father and sister out of my life completely due to the health, safety and well-being of myself and my family. I kept in touch with my mother and sister until my mother passed, but at that point other things came to light that gave me no alternative.
I’m sorry to hear you know a family that is dealing with so much pain in their lives. I’ll say a prayer for all of them... It’s a horrible thing to deal with, that’s for sure. I hope the daughter is at least seeing a reputable therapist now who will help her address her anger, and resentment, and come to accept the things she cannot change, and find her happiness again. A good therapist might possibly be able to tell if she’s been manipulated in any way. I don’t know if there’s a way to inquire about the people in the church, or those who ran the retreat, but perhaps it would be possible to discover if there have been any other similar circumstances that do not go along with statistical likelihood? It is important to keep in mind though that the statistics of female abuse victims is quite high these days.
Recovering memories of abuse in a woman’s 30s is not uncommon at all - particularly if she has a child that is right around the age that she was first abused. There is also the possibility that she has remembered all along, but just recently found the strength to tell.
Sorry so long... I’ll say a few prayers for you, too as I imagine it’s hard for you to deal with the situation seeing all the pain as well. If it truly did happen when both she and her brother were young I hope that there is some way they can work through things. Nothing is worse, imho, than a family torn apart... :(
“...a 30 something married mother of 3 went to inner healing at her church and came out convinced her older brother raped her repeatedly....”
I don’t know if you are privy to the specifics of the case ... but was it a case of the woman suddenly “remembering” what had gone on ... or had she always remembered, and the inner healing session finally empowered her to speak out? There’s a world of difference there. Many abuse victims keep their secrets for decades, but it does not mean they are lying, simply that they were so shamed that they could not bring themselves to speak out.
FWIW, I think it’s very possible that her story is true. It may be that as she herself got older, larger, and more angry about the situation, she did something, such as threatening to tell their parents, etc., that made the brother quit.
tinamina said: “There is such a thing as false memory.
Now I’m wondering if I am wrong in my thinking.”
Here’s a link to an article regarding the McMartin preschool trial. My recollection from the time of the trial and afterward is that there was great scepticism created regarding the creation of false memories by over-zealous prosecutors.
Knowing of the many cases in which false confessions have been coerced from adult defendants, I can readily believe that prosecutors would use unacceptable means to get children to describe non-existent abuse.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McMartin_preschool_trial