This will teach athletes that individual accomplishment in sports is bad, that everyone deserves a first place medal, even if they come in last.
It’s not right that these ugly Americans kept winning a French race. They should have let others win. Therefore we will take away the winning after the fact, after coercing his team to turn on him or ban them as well.
“Everybody wins in the Tour de France, just like in the Special Olympics. Because all bicyclists are *special*, too.”
Can’t trust the French, sneaky bastards . . . getting a bunch of Americans to establish for a fact that Lance Armstrong is dirty.