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Public Relations: A Poem for the Fauxtogs

“Did you have relations with the public?”

“Why, I… I can’t believe you’d ask such a lewd”—

“Just answer the question please.”

“We have adapted our message to the reflect the reality of”—

“Isn’t it a fact you screwed the public?”

“That’s absurd, we were not aware that our pictures
were doctored, or that our reporters had diplomas
in fiction. Don’t shoot the messanger, that’s an old tr”—

“Speaking of tricks, isn’t it true that you lied
with a straight face, showed us the distraught face
of the enemy teddy bears tossed on the rubble?”

“Photography is artistry! How dare you”—

“A Pulitzer is not an Emmy, or hadn’t you heard?
And why do your editors salivate like admen,
your reporters, like screenwriters and madmen?”

“Look here, we’re the Press, we do the asking around here!”

“Then why are you so offended by questions?”

“We give you all the news that we see fit to print:
it is ours to expose, and yours to lick.”

“Why have you twisted the rules of ethics,
and violated the public’s trust?
Why have you raped in the Name of Truth,
and hidden behind your cameras and pens?”

“You are the public; you are unfit to judge us!
We are the professional scribes and Pharisees-
you are the rabble, the dumb, the unclean!
Ours is the job to make you see.”

“Sorry, if we had wanted blind guides
we’d seek professors;
if we had wanted twisted facts
we’d hire lawyers.
We didn’t solicit your news
pornography;
We do not believe your immoral
fauxtography.”

“But we mold opinions,
and we can make wars!
We manufacture
the placement of facts.”

“You’re nothing but pimps;
and we ain’t your whores;
we'er not bending over,
won't take it no more."

“Look here, we are the Masters
of the Free Press!
We have more Power
than Kings or Queens!”

“And we are the Public
you once screwed,
we were the slaves,
but now we’re the Free.”

“You’ll never get away with
this First Amendment mumbo jumbo—
we own more minds than you can count.
We’ll find laws to deal with you.”

“We own guns and we have brains;
We only succumb to the Higher Laws.”

“But We are the Fourth Estate!”

“And we are your worst fifth column…

Book’em Danno: indecent exposures,
and incest.