Posted on 06/11/2016 7:25:13 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
I’ve recently had occasion to think about dating and its attendant rituals for a piece in this magazine, and so my eye was caught, the other week, by an article in the New York Post that suggested that one of the institution’s foremost traditions might be undergoing some change. “Cheap Bros Have Found a New Way to Get Out of Paying for Dates,” the headline read. In the fashion of a modern-day fable, the piece quotes three young women who had gone out with three young men. Each guy paid for his date’s dinner or drinks, as guys who go out with women are generally expected to do. Each then used Venmo, the peer-to-peer payment app, to request that his date reimburse her share after the fact. The women were outraged and contemptuous. “I do not have time for scrubs,” one said, speaking for all. They had expected to be treated, not treated as debtors.
I know, I know: a trend piece does not a trend make. The quirks of a few often get mistaken for the habits of many. Recall one of the genre’s preëminent cautionary tales, the 2014 Times piece that announced the return of the monocleas a men’s fashion item but failed to find more than one dude who would actually cop to wearing one, which is still one more monocle-wearing dude than I’ve ever seen. So the Post’s Venmo exposé may be just another report about a thing that isn’t a thing. But should it be one?
I confess that my sympathies are split here. On the one hand, voluntarily paying for your date’s three-dollar drink, as one of the men in question did, only to demand reimbursement the next day is an act of pure pettiness. The Post fails to mention which emojis were used to call in that particular debt, but let’s assume we’re looking at the tequila-sunrise glass paired with the smiley face with a dollar bill for eyes and tongue, the better to add insult to injury.
On the other hand, requesting repayment through Venmo underscores the absurdity of the consensus that, when it comes to the transaction known as the heterosexual date, men must bear the full financial burden, and thus wield full purchasing power. You might argue that, because women tend to spend more on personal preparation, it’s only fair that men should bear the cost of the event itself. Really, though, that’s looking at things through the wrong end of the telescope. If it’s taken for granted that the costs of the date are to be assumed by only one person, that person may feel himself entitled to whatever he considers to be a good return on his investment. A guy who seeks recourse through Venmo the morning after is a guy who doesn’t think he got his money’s worth the night before.
what tone are you looking for?
Absolutely, any way the family can be destroyed is what the American people seem to support.
how do you do that?
Only if they agree to put-out at the get-go.
I am an old man and have old fashioned ideals...My Momma taught me to always open the car door for a lady, open any door for a lady, and to pay for the dates I went on...
Even today, I follow those rules my mom set for me...I have told my wife when she says I really don’t have to do it all the time, that if I don’t, my mom would come back from wherever she is and kick my azz....
I went out to dinner in San Antonio with a guy. I had spent $1500 on clothes, and fancification. Place specializes in wagyu beef. The tab was almost $400. I offered to give him a hundred dollars towards the tab, but he wouldn’t take it.
Since then, I try to keep it even steven when we go to pricey places. Lol, the ones that charge $80 for a bottle of wine that is $30 @ the liquor store.
I think he hates it when I do that. I think he likes being the traditionalist type guy. I just don’t wanna feel like I’m beholden (if that makes sense).
Love women too much to interrupt their perfect lives with my crude habits and misogyny, and too stupid to comprehend how deeply miserable I must be. In other news, Galileo discovered the universe does not revolve around a woman’s hoo-hoo, but recanted before he could be burned at the stake. Men have paid ever since.
$1500?
They went out with Dutch doors.
They incidentally support it because the things they are convinced to support are not framed in such a way.
Instead they are framed as empowering, being like a man instead of a woman, not being tied down, etc.
If he asks her he should pay.
If they are involved in a long term dating situation then they should trade off. One date she plans and pays, the next he plans and pays.
$1500 for hair, make up, clothes, and shoes...I won’t spend hundreds of dollars on a purse like some women, though.
I vacillate between Neiman Marcus and being a “people of Walmart” person.
I would NEVER ask a guy out. No way. And he always pays for the date. I just never went Lib
“Comments?”
Uh, yeah. Here’s my comment. I’m 52 years-old. Divorced. Paying for a house I don’t live in. Paying tuition, room and board for two daughters in college and holding on by a very thin thread. If I ever decide to date again, she can pay for here own damn food since here ex-husband is probably footing the bill just like me.
According to Miss Manners, the person who issued the invitation is responsible for the costs, unless other arrangements are agreed upon by the parties involved.
That rule does not change with the genders of the respective parties.
I find that rule to be clear-cut, while still allowing flexibility for individual circumstances.
“I just don’t wanna feel like I’m beholden (if that makes sense).”
Makes sense, but my friendly comment is you ought not even be going out with him if you feel that way.
Women should pay. This is 2016. They want to be equal.
And, especially if you are on a budget, it allows you to see how creative the other person can be.
Your choice as to how you do it. I can only say that it worked out very well for us.
At this point in life I have learned to deal with women.
I am happy to buy dinner & drinks for a friend.
And real friends do the same in return.
Shallow greedy takers do not make it far, no matter their ‘assets’.
Case closed.
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