Posted on 06/11/2016 7:25:13 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
I’ve recently had occasion to think about dating and its attendant rituals for a piece in this magazine, and so my eye was caught, the other week, by an article in the New York Post that suggested that one of the institution’s foremost traditions might be undergoing some change. “Cheap Bros Have Found a New Way to Get Out of Paying for Dates,” the headline read. In the fashion of a modern-day fable, the piece quotes three young women who had gone out with three young men. Each guy paid for his date’s dinner or drinks, as guys who go out with women are generally expected to do. Each then used Venmo, the peer-to-peer payment app, to request that his date reimburse her share after the fact. The women were outraged and contemptuous. “I do not have time for scrubs,” one said, speaking for all. They had expected to be treated, not treated as debtors.
I know, I know: a trend piece does not a trend make. The quirks of a few often get mistaken for the habits of many. Recall one of the genre’s preëminent cautionary tales, the 2014 Times piece that announced the return of the monocleas a men’s fashion item but failed to find more than one dude who would actually cop to wearing one, which is still one more monocle-wearing dude than I’ve ever seen. So the Post’s Venmo exposé may be just another report about a thing that isn’t a thing. But should it be one?
I confess that my sympathies are split here. On the one hand, voluntarily paying for your date’s three-dollar drink, as one of the men in question did, only to demand reimbursement the next day is an act of pure pettiness. The Post fails to mention which emojis were used to call in that particular debt, but let’s assume we’re looking at the tequila-sunrise glass paired with the smiley face with a dollar bill for eyes and tongue, the better to add insult to injury.
On the other hand, requesting repayment through Venmo underscores the absurdity of the consensus that, when it comes to the transaction known as the heterosexual date, men must bear the full financial burden, and thus wield full purchasing power. You might argue that, because women tend to spend more on personal preparation, it’s only fair that men should bear the cost of the event itself. Really, though, that’s looking at things through the wrong end of the telescope. If it’s taken for granted that the costs of the date are to be assumed by only one person, that person may feel himself entitled to whatever he considers to be a good return on his investment. A guy who seeks recourse through Venmo the morning after is a guy who doesn’t think he got his money’s worth the night before.
There was a guy who kept asking out a friend of mine. She wasn’t particularly interested. One day, after church, he asked her to go to brunch so she agreed. When the check came he put the check in the middle of the table and told her what her half cost. LOL She told him that when she asks him out to brunch or dinner she would pick up the tab.
It’s a crazy world out there. When I see two young kids out on what appears to be a date - they are both on their cell phone. Even worse - when the girl goes to the ladies room he whips out his phone to see who has called him.
” if the woman wants a divorce, SHE should get NO ALIMONY....NONE!! Unless he BEAT her or CHEATED on her!!”
What about microaggression that males are born to do? /s
I think the person who extends the invitation should pay at least on the initial date. Probably wouldn’t hurt if the guest offers to pay the tip or buy one round of drinks.
If you can’t afford to pay for someone’s dinner, then invite them to your place and cook a nice meal for them (doesn’t have to be gourmet - chicken and a salad are adequate). Ask them to bring the wine.
When a girl fixes dinner for you at her home or apartment it would be unusual for her to expect you to pay for half the groceries.
When a guy takes a girl out for dinner it would be unusual for him to expect the girl to pay half the check.
Things usually balance out somewhat over time :-)
I find it disgusting that today’s gender-charged atmosphere is bring liberal writers out of the woodwork.
Writers who obviously can’t get jobs in the professional media seem to spend their time crafting fluff pieces like this one. Some low-rent mags and/or newspapers pick them up for pennies as “fill” material.
Then, there’s the web, where everyone has their own opinion, and blobs about it on the myriad of boards and scam sites.
Facebook has become the journalist burying ground, where substandard journalists go to die.
All that said, here’s MY opinion. A gentleman ALWAYS pays for the date. If a woman has to pay, she needs to dump that freeloader and keep searching.
A bit bluntly put and not always true but yes, in general what you say is absolutely correct.
Wow. I didn’t have much experience dating, but I’ve only had two boyfriends....was over 20 years ago, but we split things down the middle. Although it depended on who had more money at the time and who had a better paycheck.
In general, though, women work today and I see no reason for men to pick up the check anymore.
I was oppressed for years by men taking me on dates to really nice places and paying my way. Now Mr. GG2 oppresses me in the same way. :-)
Whatever happened to Dutch Dates?
The phone thing, it kills me. Even at work my colleagues are often buried in the things. At red lights turning green, the two second pause while the lead driver hits send. Walking down the sidewalks looking down at their navels, staring down into their laps at fancy restaurants.
The Mexican women look far better than home grown, and I don’t mean physical attraction but only everything else. They work hard, they don’t play around with phones all day, they can cook and like to, they can’t speak English well, etc.
As for paying for dates, f that. I don’t have money to shower on bims for fancy food and gratuity when I have an unlimited supply of the stuff for free, and much prefer a more intimate setting at home. They don’t like it, plenty of millennialist ready to take them out for Thai one nit and pinch pennies the next morning over the friggin internet.
The fundamental point is reproduction.
All these impulses and rituals revolve around the goal of reproductive copulation. (Their minds may not intend it, but their bodies do.)
If she’s going to risk getting pregnant (one night stand or perfect wedding forever), with her largely out of economic productivity for about 9 months plus 16 years, he’d d@mn well better be at least able to pay for dinner; if he can’t do that, she needs to consider him absolutely unfit for activities that make up, however denied, the human mating rituals.
Yes.
Leykis 101!!!
They don’t “date” any more; they have “hookups” and have for years now.
Paid for girls.....not paid for field or whatever it said. D*mm autocorrect!
Good point, but too many are too uninformed to know anything of the sort.
Very good point. And both of our children know how I feel about abortion.
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