Be polite and civil, as friendly as you can be. She is likely reaching out from a need for a sense of family, and as much as you feel you are able you should not rebuff that just because of your own past history with your brother. You don’t need to -be- her family, but a brush-off could be more hurtful than you’d certainly intend at this time in her life.
While I would not candy coat the circumstances of your brother’s life and character if asked, I would not volunteer your own opinions. While she deserves the truth, she is coming into this brand-new, with no knowledge and certainly unprepared for the anger and bitterness you feel toward your brother that’s been years in the making. This time is for her benefit, principally, not your own, and if the past history with your brother makes you feel like you can’t be constructive for her, you should cancel the appointment.
It’s very generous of you to offer to meet her, so if you go through with it, be welcoming, be gracious, let her connect with the father she never knew through family artifacts, and let her draw her own conclusions and get what she needs from the meeting. Her father is gone, and can’t do any more harm, unless the bitter seeds he sowed while alive amongst his family members are allowed to poison an opportunity for the both of you to meet and get to know new family :)
Yes. I think you just spoke to my heart.
Her father is gone...and can’t do any more harm...
God willing...let there be no more poison.
That time is over...
Actually, in 2015, no young adult should go seeking their birth parents in search of a sense of family. That is dead wrong. They should go searching only for a story of how they came to be adopted, curious about some genetic quirks, possibly an illness or condition. Curious about the lives of the people who combined to create their beginnings, maybe wanting to know more of the story. Wondering about bio siblings. Gratitude expressed for giving her a life at all, and not sucking her into a sink.
Her family is the one who raised her.