[Ouderkirk]

Start with the truth....she should know who the man really was. It is not the place to vent your frustrations. Just be as dispassionate as you can in describing him to her.

I have lived a similar circumstance and it is best to tell the truth. Welcome her into the fold, but be clear that it’s not a bed of roses.

[ponygirl]

I agree with Ouderkirk. I've had two situations in my family...the first is my grandmother, who never knew who her biological parents were and we've been on so many waste-of-time wild goose chases that would always end up with people looking vaguely into the distance and telling us they didn't know anything. (So frustrating, especially when I can tell from the look on your face that you DO know something...)

The second was a woman who contacted me through Ancestry.com, claiming to be my mother's cousin and illegitimate daughter of my mom's uncle. We met with her and my mom told her everything she knew about him, no holds barred. There was no doubt she was related because she looked exactly like the picture I had of my great-grandmother. But after that there was no communication with her, even though she tried a few more times. It just seemed weird and uncomfortable. We gave her what she asked for, it doesn't mean there is automatically an emotional connection. After a while, she stopped contacting us.