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I am not adopted, but there are things that happened in my family that I haven’t been able to find out the truth about, and it bothers me. Therefore, as I try to imagine what it would be like to be an adopted child, it seems to me that the unanswered questions probably bother them too, no matter how wonderful their adoptive parents were.

With that in mind, I agree with many others here that the right thing to do is to answer those questions, within reason . . . but OTOH it’s not at all necessary to go into personal detail about how *you* or others in your family felt about the deceased. If you give the daughter the information about exactly how he died, I think that one thing will answer many questions for her about why she was given up, and what the father was like, without you having to really say much. If you happen to have a newspaper article you could copy and give to her, or if you can give her the date it happened and let her do the research, that would probably be really helpful and let her do as much or as little “digging” into the past as she really wants.

I think Attention has the right idea also about holding this first meeting OFF your premises, instead at a restaurant or coffee house where you can sit and chat for a while — if you wish to do so — or keep the meeting brief if you feel too uncomfortable. (Even if you have already agreed to have them over to your house, please feel free to call them or email them and just tell them that a meeting at your house isn’t going to work this time, and you’d rather meet them at X coffee house at X address at X time. It won’t hurt them any. They don’t have to come to your house. Please do feel free to exercise control over all this so that *you* feel comfortable!)

I also wouldn’t bring the whole box of photos to the meeting, since that sort of thing can take hours to go through. I’d grab a handful of photos, ten or 20 maybe, and take those to the meeting. (If you feel up to it, you could go to Kinko’s or somewhere and make copies to give to her. Otherwise she may want to take the original photos with her, to make copies, and you might never get them back.)

I just want to say that I admire you for trying to help out these people, even though it sounds like the prospect makes you uncomfortable. Remember, they are probably perfectly nice people, just looking for answers to questions that niggle away at them. Bless you for trying to help out your fellow humans!