The first year of this I got a book on single parenting. I was basically a single parent considering the situation. I only read the first chapter. It was titled “Take Care of Yourself” and stated that you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of you!
“Take care of yourself...”
You are absolutely right. You need some “you” time. That is in no way selfish or not being a “good spouse”. What I will write now will probably get me flamed but oh well.. here goes.. if you are so controlled that you can’t go to the gym/go fishing/whatever YOU choose as a relaxation... then you are trapped in a cage with no light of day. If she calls you a cheater.. so what? If she threatens you and says she is going to hurt herself.. then she needs to be committed to get her levels adjusted. If she is mad, again.. so what? YOU need some time and you can explain it nicely once and then get out of the house and do something for yourself. My question cannot be answered fully but is she manipulating you because of her mental illness or is she using her mental illness to manipulate you? Although that may never be answered.. the main focus for you right now is to take some time when you are off.. and breathe.