Started the Process of Nursing Home Placement for my mother

January 13, 2015 | hondact200

[tet68]

If you lived in Ga. I would help.

[onyx]

God bless and keep you.
You’re the very best.

[varina davis]

Good read all the way through the comments

[AppyPappy]

I can’t wait until I get to the nursing home. They provide food, TV and Sponge Baths!!

[conservatism_IS_compassion]

Two hours a sleep a night and just getting worn out has made the decision

Yeah, I think so. This, from someone who cared for Mother for her last five years.

I had my wife’s help, though - if you are alone it is clearly too hard. Mother suddenly passed away just when I thought things were about to get hard. And I had the advantage that my mother’s will was rifle-shot accurate as to what the needs of her family - and the ability to of its members to provide care - dictated. My brother couldn’t care for her, and my career ended early, so I readily could, and did. And I cared for my brother, too, in his last years, so . . .

I pray that God will continue to sustain you and give you patience.

[sheana]

Here’s what we told hubby’s sis. He’s not dead yet and until he is its HIS money. It will be used to care for him which is why he saved it all to start with.
I’m sorry, it’s hard. Good luck.

[momtothree]

Prayers for you and your Mom, hondact200. It is a very difficult decision but it sounds clearly like one you made out of love. You can only do what you can do. There are times when 24/7 care is necessary. As for your siblings... been there and done that. My best advice is to be clear and definitive. By that, I mean you tell them what is being done and it is for the health and welfare of Mom. You don’t owe them anything more. If they get abusive, simply state you need to go and hang up. With very little sleep and some health issues yourself.. you seriously need to deal with the siblings when and how you wish. Hugs and best wishes. Mom

[If You Want It Fixed - Fix It]

Like Christ and Blessed Mary example, love is suffering in care of another.

You are the definition of love, as well. There comes a point when you just can’t do it. People created nursing homes, people choose this vocation and livelihood, to help, to take over, at these very times when you can’t, you just can’t. You have run the race. Good job. Will pray for you and your mom, for my mom and my brother who has been doing likewise and are preparing likewise.

[matginzac]

Really praying for you, FRiend...
One of, if not THE hardest thing to do in life.
Our next door neighbor is in the process of doing the same with her mom. They haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in three years. And none of the sibs is helping either.
Out of six of you, you’d think one or two others would be a help.
As to the “inheritance”, tell ‘em to sue you!
Good luck and stay strong!

[AlaskaErik]

My wife and her family had to do the same thing with her mother nine years ago. The inevitable conclusion occurred last September. We were spared the worst of it as we lived in Alaska and we didn't retire until just a few months before her death. My wife and her sister were for the most part relieved that their mother wasn't suffering anymore.

[ragmop]

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this, I know it’s very hard, your story sounds very similar to mine on a lot of levels. I took care of my mother in-law and both of my parents for many years. We finally had to put both my mother and mother in-law into a nursing facility. Make sure you go to the facility every day to check on your mom, we found that the care provided is much better when there is someone popping in at any time during the day or night, be her advocate. By shouldering all of this responsibility for your mom, you won’t have any regrets later on, knowing that you did all you could and that you were there for her. Someday we will all be judged on what we did and didn’t do in life. Call your states nursing home regulatory agency to get a reference on a good place for your mom.

[Intolerant in NJ]

You’ve done all you can do for her - take care of yourself.....

[Dr. Bogus Pachysandra]

Well, I hope so. I don’t remember anything that happens after about 9PM.

[jch10]

So sorry for your dilemma. It comes to many of us and must be heartbreaking for you. Remember that you did all you could as long as you could.

I’ll remember you and your mother in my prayers.

[sickoflibs]

RE:”Tough day has come for the time to put an elderly parent in a nursing home. being in declining health myself, I have had to make the dreaded decision - nursing home placement of a elderly mother. Two hours a sleep a night and just getting worn out has made the decision to do something I never have wanted to do - put my mother in a nursing home. I am just getting ready for the other 5 siblings to scream, rant and rave. The money will be gone and they want what the believe they are entitled too - an inheritance. What a joke - an inheritance to be given to self centered individuals whom have not seen their own mother since 2012, when the Alzheimer's Disease was diagnosed. I took her into my own home and strived to do all the nursing care and so forth. The primary care physician and the neurologist are to speak with one another and do the joint placement process”

Unfortunately I have seen close hand two of my older relatives grow old and crippled and mentally deteriorate years before dying and its a terrible thing to watch and to have happen to them (the patients).

Nursing homes are very bad places to have to live unless maybe if the patient is rich and has a good stable relative to manage things.

It is in most cases hell on earth where people go to wait to die.,

Regardless, it doesn't sound like you had a choice and those who don't have a clue will judge.

[Mister Da]

Take all her rings & jewelry & put in a safe place or they WILL be stolen. Mom lost her engagement ring that way.

[GOPsterinMA]

Amen.

[Nuc 1.1]

May the Lord bless you and your mother. Well done. In my experience your mother will get adequate care. Once you recover and can visit her she will receive above average care. Don’t worry about your siblings. God knows the story. And one day you will see your mother again hale and healthy. God bless you.

Nuc 1.1

[Old Grumpy]

I sincerely feel bad for your situation. Mine is almost the same as yours. I left my entire life behind to tend to my own Mom and am still here. She does not have Alzheimer’s but it is a full time job and I’m the only one left to do it. I’ll send prayers your way.

[Jane Long]

Prayers to you. You are and will be blessed, for the care that you have provided to your dear mom.

Another FReeper mentioned a residential home. That’s where my cousin recently placed my dear aunt (who has severe dementia). Very clean, personal and homestyle environment. They call it an adult foster home.