Humor (General/Chat)
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Jim Carrey doing parody of Biden
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U.S. — In one of the most remarkable miracles in human history, the thousands of bump stocks that went missing seven years ago in boating accidents all simultaneously washed ashore and have been reunited with their owners. "Wow, my bump stock washed ashore! And just a day after the Supreme Court ruling overturning the ban!" said local man Omar Gonzales. "What's even crazier, my neighbor Bill also lost his in a boating accident in 2017, and his bump stock also washed ashore this morning. It's a miracle!" Across the nation, tens of thousands of Americans reported similar shocking experiences. "It's...
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After the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) made a shocking ruling on Thursday that Lia Thomas, a man, would not be allowed to compete on the U.S. women's Olympic team, Thomas requested further clarification on whether he might be allowed to still just hang out naked in the women's locker room on occasion or something like that. "That's fine if I can't compete, but can I, maybe, I dunno, just hang out naked in the women's locker room?" said Thomas to the committee, according to sources. "I can, you know, help with the swimming gear and towels and whatnot....
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SPOKANE, WA — Police arrested local man Thomas Macey this week after an officer caught him urinating on the Pride flag painted on a urinal. "Once again, the gay community is under attack," said LGBTQ activist Charity Plunge. "This man literally urinated on the symbol of gay pride, which we painted on the urinal. Is there no end to the hatred and bigotry?" The LGBTQ community has declared Macey's act of urination the worst hate crime since someone called Caitlyn Jenner "sir" on live TV. "This is our 9/11," said Plunge to reporters. "We are literally being murdered in airport...
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A video showing a dog named Mollie reacting erratically after being shown images of Joe Biden on TV went viral on social media this week. The video, posted by TikTok by user bestdad_ceo, shows Mollie acting very differently from the images of Donald Trump and Biden. When the man showed his dog an image of Donald Trump, it remained calm. However, when he switched to an image of Biden, the dog began barking uncontrollably before lunging at the TV. Watch The owner captioned the video by hilariously questioning his dog’s political leanings “Not sure what’s the political status of my...
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WORLD — Authorities across the globe have forcefully condemned Liam Neeson for killing dozens of kindly human traffickers just to save one lousy hostage. "We are absolutely disgusted by this rampage of violence against innocent human traffickers trying to make a living," said U.S. Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "One measly little hostage is no excuse for Neeson's horrific actions." According to sources, Neeson began hunting down the human traffickers after they kidnapped his daughter to sell as a sex slave. "Terrorists violently taking his daughter to rape is simply no justification for violence," said British politician Jeremy Corbyn. "We called...
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SPOKANE, WA — The three teenagers who were arrested for riding scooters on a Pride flag painted on the road were kicking themselves for not simply lighting the American flag on fire and threatening violence instead. "I guess we picked the wrong flag," said one of the teens, whose name has been withheld for anonymity. "I had no idea the Pride flag was so much more sacred than the American flag." According to sources, the teenagers were surprised to learn they could deface statues, light smoke bombs outside the White House, hold up a bloody mask of the President, threaten...
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FROM the show: "...I don't get gay man they like Embrace femininity and women's clothes but then y'all try to act like women and women don't even act like this yeah women don't even walk like that I look at a woman on a catwalk she doesn't walk like that yeah the gay man has his own strut..."
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPi2uAUw6Ws
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Let's not beat around the bush, and instead just get down to brass tacks. San Francisco has opened its first $5.5 million free food “market” in an area where many grocery stores have left due to high crime. Approved residents simply show a benefits eligibility card, load their carts with whatever they want, check out — to keep track of outgoing inventory — and leave without paying a dime.
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“Migrant influencer” Leonel Moreno is having trouble coming up with the money for an attorney despite previously waving huge wads of $100 bills on social media, The Post has exclusively learned. Moreno boasted daily in TikTok videos about how much money he’d made from government welfare programs and begging on the streets before his March 29 arrest in Columbus, Ohio. He antagonized fellow migrants and regular Americans alike with incendiary statements such as, “That’s the difference between you and me. I’m always going to make lots of money without much work, and you’re always going to be exploited and miserable...
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Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) explains why he invited the corrupt Manhattan judge who oversaw former President Donald Trump’s criminal trial which ended in 12 jurors finding him guilty go 34 counts of felony charges which should have otherwise been misdemeanors. The Republican is so confident that Trump will beat President Joe Biden in November and continue his legacy in the White House that he invited Judge Juan Merchan to take a front row seat at the historical event. “My view of inviting him to the inauguration is to show my recognition that what Merchan is doing unintentionally is re-electing… Donald...
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So, you've decided to join all the cool New Yorkers who are moving to Florida? Congratulations! It'll be just like snowbirding, except it'll last forever! Unfortunately, it's been said that New Yorkers often experience a significant culture shock when they first arrive in the Sunshine State. Fortunately, The Babylon Bee is here to help you through the adjustment with this helpful list of 10 things that you should prepare for: 1. When it's hot, that's called "summer": It's also called "winter," "spring," and "fall." 2. Tax dollars won't have to pay for immigrants to live in Marriott hotels: Instead, your...
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WASHINGTON, DC — In a little-publicized move, the Biden Administration recently recruited a former NASCAR pit crew to make lightning-fast changes to the President's diaper whenever he soils his pants. The scheme was first revealed after NASCAR crew leaders began to be bombarded with ads seeking a "Race Car Pit Crew That Can Also Change Diapers." The ads specified that the crew would have to be able to change a diaper within 3.4 seconds, or "fast enough that nobody can notice it." "We initially responded to the ads and were asked to come try out," said Brandon Keyes, rear changer...
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