Update: My DIL, the mother, received a D&C last night to extract the wee remains of the babies, which were just in the first trimester. When I spoke with my son on the phone he seemed at peace. Since theirs is a Catholic hospital, the remains were treated with utmost respect, and there was a religious sister to pray with them.
I know that my little grandchildren are with the Lord, and I pray that they are being cradled by their great-grandparents and their uncle.
God bless all of you for your prayers and your words of wisdom and comfort.
Thank you for you update. Sad news. Prayers
So sorry that both of them died. Continuing to pray. This has to be difficult for your son and daughter in law.
May God bless this young family and give them the "peace that surpasses all understanding."
May God bring comfort to your family, I am sorry for your loss.
So very sad. I will pray.
Comfort for you from the facts: I didn’t see that there was a known factor, which would be rare, like an autoimmune situation or a weak cervix, which isn’t much of a factor in most first tri pregnancies. So I am for the sake of providing this comfort ruling that out.
Here is the scoop: MANY EMBRYOS don’t make it; they are not euploid, something is so wrong with their chromosomes that they are incompatible, not just with life outside the womb, but they are incompatible with growing into the second trimester. Your daughter may have been told, perhaps, that while the miscarriage happened at 12 weeks, say, the babies or one of them had stopped developing at an early week, say 9 weeks.
Most embryos don’t make it in very very early stages, and the woman doesn’t even know she was extremely briefly pregnant. Then, since we now have these amazing pee stick pregnancy tests, lots of women “get their period” after testing positive. More early aneuploid embryos. A lot happen before the heartbeat can be detected. But many do happen after the baby has a heartbeat, all the way up to week 13.
The first trimester is NEVER a sure thing. Most likely one of the babies was an aneuploid embryo that never could have, never, become a baby. Sad, yes, but important to realize, just as every tomato seed you plant doesn’t develop, it is even harder to get a human “going.” Please help her realize what a miracle each baby is, because probably 50% of embryos don’t make it to baby. As a woman ages, and each one is different relating to egg quality, the % of her eggs that are aneuploid (sometimes I call them “scrambled” eggs) increases. It is nearly always due to an aneuploid egg, because sperm is freshly made. Eggs were made in utero - her mother’s utero. If she is 25 years old, so are her eggs.
So while she is devastated (and I know well how deep the devastation is), she did nothing wrong. No self blame for the exercise she did, the spicy food, the fight she had, not her fault in any way shape or form. It happened because one of the eggs (or both) were scrambled. Not good. Not going to make a baby. Very very few aneuploid eggs are compatible with life. Down Syndrome is a lucky aneuploidy: many of those embryos make it to birth and way beyond. Most other aneuploidies don’t make it even to the second trimester.
Breath should be held until week 13 in all pregnancies. You just don’t know and there is no way to prevent a bad embryo from stopping to grow. Each baby making it through is a miracle.
I am so sorry to welcome your dear daughter and son to this club of miscarriage. It’s a true heartache. One day your grandchild will be sitting on your floor playing with a toy, and the only way that will happen for all of you,mthat joyful time, will be if she mourns now, heals her heart, and tries again.
I went through this pain a few times. I went through infertility treatments. IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. I beat infertility’s a$$. I have four blessings, the loves of my life. Prayers up for your daughter. Please let her know just how many embryos are “scrambled.” At least 50% of all embryos created in labs or Fallopian tubes are no good. In first trimester pregnancies, we are “pregnant to be pregnant,” nothing more. At week 13 everyone can celebrate: the chances are very good that there’s a baby coming.
I’m sorry for your loss too.
We went through the same thing. Heartbreaking.
Our hospital has a plot at the local cemetery where they bury these tiny pre-born babies. We’ve visited our little Noah several times over the years ...
Lord God, rest the souls of Thy future servants with the saints and the angels, and comfort the grieving parents.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, amen.
Prayers for both the mother and father here. Were they able to name the babies and have them baptized?
Our deepest sympathy, Red. Prayers for all.