>>But for some, she HAS TO BE ever-virgin or a lot of their deeper beliefs collapse...<<
I asked someone else, “Why this apparently irrational need to believe she died a virgin?” Their explanation was similar to what you say above.
I have no beliefs that depend on her being ever-virgin so I am able to read about her in the Bible with an open mind, avoiding reading too much between the lines.
Actually, your statement isn’t correct either.
There are 4 major doctrines surrounding Mary. 3 of them hold together, one does not.
Perpetual Virginity.
Assumption of Mary
Sinlessness of Mary
Immaculate conception of Mary.
Her perpetual virginity is the odd man out. It stands by itself. The other three all rely on one another.
Immaculate conception - Spared from original sin at conception.
Sinlessness - Mary as the 2nd Eve.
Assumption - Assumed, “wages sin are death, sinlessness, no death”