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Sell a bong, go to jail
Vail Trail ^ | Nicky Hernandez

Posted on 09/22/2003 8:03:35 AM PDT by twittle

Like most aging potheads, I adored "Cheech and Chong" movies when all we had was Mexican dirt weed to maintain a mellow.

The original poster boys for NORMAL cracked me up with their dopey antics in East L.A. Who could resist a brand of humor that came with a cloud of cannabis smoke?

The pair rocked for a decade and banked major bucks before federal thugs put the screws to Mary Jane and told a generation to "Just Say No."

By the mid-’80s, Cheech and Chong had gone the way of Hope and Crosby. Today, however, the two are on very different paths. Tommy Chong raised a hot-looking daughter, whose claim to fame involved appearing nearly naked in a caveman film. Cheech Martin, meanwhile, proved savvy and now enjoyed the spoils of the entertainment industry.

Cheech has become a TV mainstay. He's the ideal sidekick against the aging, but still dashing, Don Johnson in "Nash Bridges." Cheech has also parlayed his character into several decent flicks, including "Tin Cup," and "Dead by Dawn."

In short, Cheech has gone far considering half his brain got fried in the ’70s.

Life has been a bit hazier for Chong, who now faces a nine-month stint in federal prison for peddling pot pipes over the Internet.

You heard right. The federal boys charged with keeping watch over terrorism took time out from the search for Bin Laden and went after a hippie icon. I wonder if John Ashcroft sleeps well knowing he has caged a 64-year-old for selling bongs?

If you don't see something wrong with that picture, you're higher than Jimmy Hendrix my friend.

Then again, maybe we should praise the ever-vigilant watchdogs at Patriot Act Central for capturing another dangerous criminal and saving the nation from an imminent threat.

All I'm saying is karma has done a number on the pair. One of them will cower in fear during "shower time" at Lompoc, while the other gets steady work in Hollywood.

All the same, Cheech's latest flick "Once Upon a Time in Mexico," is a federal offense. The film should simply go up in smoke.

"Once Upon A Time In Mexico" is a horrible movie that wastes the combined talents of the always sexy Salma Hayek, the normally rock solid Willem Dafoe, and the extremely watchable Johnny Depp.

Nothing works in a story that involves a Mexican coupe thwarted by a Mariachi player. The flick has no plot beyond a liberal use of bullets, blood and complete senselessness.

Depp plays a somewhat unstable CIA operative, who plots and kills and plots and kills and eventually hires El Mariachi (Antonio Bandaras) to assassinate a renegade general bent on seizing control of the government.

Mass killings, silly shootings and stunts beyond the level of Neo from "The Matrix" follow in absurd portions.

In short this film sucks worse than Ashcroft's piano playing. Nothing to see here folks.

Until next time, Mr. Hernandez has left the theater to troll the Internet for something useful like pictures of Asian babes "loving long time."

Nickey Hernandez is a former private investigator who hopes the War on Terror makes more sense than the War on Drugs.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 09/22/2003 8:03:36 AM PDT by twittle
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To: twittle
He should have known better than to sell glass in an other than federally approved shape.
2 posted on 09/22/2003 8:07:42 AM PDT by dead (All that is not mandatory is prohibited.)
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To: twittle
Dave's not here, man....
3 posted on 09/22/2003 8:08:45 AM PDT by freebilly
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To: twittle
Like most potheads, the author cannot keep his mind on the topic at hand. He starts by deriding the arrest and conviction of Tommy Chong, and ends up in a movie review.

He almost wandered to the refrigerator and failed to finish the article.

Um, what article?

Where are the twinkies?

4 posted on 09/22/2003 8:08:48 AM PDT by Lazamataz (I am the extended middle finger in the fist of life.)
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To: Lazamataz
Who?
5 posted on 09/22/2003 8:12:15 AM PDT by Smogger
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To: Lazamataz
I like how they misspell Cheech's name. Its Marin not Martin. Doesn't anyone proofread?
6 posted on 09/22/2003 8:12:18 AM PDT by imaxmatt
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To: Lazamataz
Actually, he is a movie reviewer and the whole point of the article was the movie review. It just took him a while to get to it.
7 posted on 09/22/2003 8:12:56 AM PDT by twittle
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To: twittle
Once Upon a Time in Mexico was a fun movie. Depp was great.
8 posted on 09/22/2003 8:14:09 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: robertpaulsen
Depp's crazy as a loon, but he's always entertaining.

Pirates of the Caribbean was a lot of fun.

9 posted on 09/22/2003 8:15:30 AM PDT by dead (All that is not mandatory is prohibited.)
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To: twittle
The leftists are arguling that they threw the book at Chong because his movies glorified the drug culture. Except that it is commonplace to hit celebs hard to "make an example", it's hard to argue with them.
10 posted on 09/22/2003 8:16:31 AM PDT by Atlas Sneezed
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To: twittle
This is all about the little weasel Ashcroft and his flying mokeys who cannot get over the fact that Chong and millions of the rest of us got laid in the 60's and 70's. And we got laid by the sisters of John Ashcrof types. And a lot too!

The absence of a healthy sexual adolescence and a non-existant sense of humor causes a lot of damage when growing up. It causes some very strange behavior. Like seeing cold stone granite breasts as a danger to the state, and arresting Tommy Chong.

OTOH, if this is being orchestrated by Chong & Co. to get nine months of free PR promoting their new film soon, dopers get the last laugh on Ashcroft.

11 posted on 09/22/2003 8:17:42 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: imaxmatt
"Doesn't anyone proofread?"

Given that the article is from Vail Trail, the author of the article probably is the proofreader (and editor, and printer and ...).

12 posted on 09/22/2003 8:18:22 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: twittle
A bong is a bong, but under the law, they can call the spoons in your kitchen "narcotics paraphenalia" if they want you, the law is that badly written.

And yes, I would feel a lot safer if Ashcroft would pull all his people off of Porn and marijuana and put them on counterterrorim for the time being.
Time enough for cleaning up porn and drugs after he has made sure we aren't gonna have Anthrax or Ebola or U-235 scattered over us.

So9

13 posted on 09/22/2003 8:21:06 AM PDT by Servant of the 9 (The voices tell me to stay home and clean the guns.)
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To: dead
Yeah, there was a little Pirates in his Mexico character. I liked the CIA and the "I'm With Stupid" tee shirts.

Despite his politics, I hope he at least gets nominated for Best Supporting Role.

14 posted on 09/22/2003 8:23:53 AM PDT by robertpaulsen
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To: twittle
What do Tommy Chong and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both blew some big dope.

15 posted on 09/22/2003 8:23:59 AM PDT by RightWingAtheist
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To: robertpaulsen
What is a Depp?
16 posted on 09/22/2003 8:25:31 AM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran (PLANES: Remember Takeoffs are optional, Landings are mandatory)
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To: Servant of the 9
And yes, I would feel a lot safer if Ashcroft would pull all his people off of Porn and marijuana and put them on counterterrorim for the time being

Well, there are a lot of useful idiots out there who think an expanded police state is a good thing. There are even a lot of "conservatives" who are too ignorant to realize that the Constitituion was written to prevent such state actions rather than to advocate them.

17 posted on 09/22/2003 8:26:42 AM PDT by twittle
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To: BlindedByTruth
Here's a ping for you.
18 posted on 09/22/2003 8:27:50 AM PDT by JonathansMommie (Have You Hugged Your FReeper Today?)
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To: Servant of the 9
Do you have any idea about how fast the entire Alphabet Soup Justice umbrella would slam into their peter principle at 100mph if said Justice Dept had to target dangerous animals like terrorism, espionage, money laundering, stock market swindlers, and border security?

Tommy Chong, James Trafficant, and the like.....pay their fines, hire pleasant attorneys, are pleasant to the help, and don't throw feces at the judges.

The perfect criminals for the system. Of course this is entirely a zero sum gain regarding the needs of our nation and this needs to be explained to the Justice Department in a completely unambiguos way.

Better to Flash-Bang and shoot Eagle Scouts than to keep us safe from our real enemies. Our enemies know this and they have studied us long and hard.

19 posted on 09/22/2003 8:32:57 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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To: RightWingAtheist
Please God, let that joke catch the eye of David Letterman and Jay Leno........
20 posted on 09/22/2003 8:34:23 AM PDT by blackdog ("But to me Joy means only sorrow, and America is one big Joy ride")
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