God does love these fools. He's sent them several clear warnings to turn back.God may love 'em, but Darwin doesn't:
(To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")
Oh! You better not sing
Kumbayah in Iraq,
If you go there,
You might not be back:
Darwin's giving out his "awards."
Oh! He's making a list,
With a quill pen,
Gonna decide
Who gets to have kin.
Darwin's giving out his "awards."
He'll find you in that bunker;
Don't go near that poison gas.
He knows if you're an appeasement freak,
So wave buh-bye to your ass!
Oh! Don't give me that spray
'Bout lovin' and peace,
Uday just raped
And murdered your niece.
Darwin's given you your reward!
THE ROAD TO BAGHDAD
FADE IN: HARRIED ACTIVITY SURROUNDING THREE OLD DOUBLE-DECKER BUSES IN DOWNTOWN LONDON. CUE THE THEME SONG AND OPENING TITLE/CREDITS AS LUGGAGE IS LOADED AND PEOPLE BOARD THE BUSES.
SCENE: GROUP OF PEOPLE INSIDE THE BUS, LOTS OF CHATTER ABOUT THE UPCOMING ADVENTURE FILLS THE AIR, MIXING WITH THE SMELL OF MARIJUANA AND UNWASHED BODIES. AN OLD HIPPIE IN THE BACK STRUMS A BEAT UP ACCOUSTIC GUITAR, DOING HIS TAKE ON A STEPPENWOLF SONG, “BORN TO BE MILD”
HUMAN SHIELD #1: I’m really excited about this trip. I feel empowered, like I’m making a difference.
HUMAN SHIELD #2: I know. I quit my job at Greenpeace to do this. I figure I can do more here, than in some stuffy office licking fund-raiser envelopes all day.
HUMAN SHIELD #1: and, we are gonna party all the way to Baghdad. This is gonna be so cool.
FINALLY, THE LEADER OF THE PEACE CONVOY GETS ON THE BUS, AND BEGINS ATTEMPTING TO QUIET THE PASSENGERS.
KEVIN O’WHINER: Okay people. Listen up. We are leaving for Baghdad in a few minutes. I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for making this sacrifice. Stopping the Bush War is a cause worth dying for, and… A HAND IN THE BACK IS RAISED, AND KEVIN ACKNOWLEDGES THE MAN.
HUMAN SHIELD #3: Did you just say ‘dying’?
KEVIN: Yes. Yes I did.
UMAN SHIELD #3: So, you mean that our goal is to try to stop the American Bombs. Is THAT what you are saying? We could DIE?
KEVIN: What do you think we meant by ‘Human Shields’?
HUMAN SHIELD #3: I think you are bloody mad, is what I think. HUMAN SHIELD #3 GATHERS HIS BELONGINGS AND LEAVES THE BUS.
KEVIN: Anyone else want to leave? This is your last chance. SEVERAL PEOPLE GATHER UP THEIR STUFF AND LEAVE THE BUS IN A MAD DASH, LEAVING THE BUS HALF FULL.
KEVIN: Okay. Everybody set? Good. Let’s go! KEVIN CLIMBS BEHIND THE WHEEL, AND THE CONVOY BEGINS TO MOVE AS THE REMAINING PASSENGERS CLAP AND CHEER.
FADE IN: CLOSE UP VIEW OF THE CONVOY SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY AS THE ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE PASSES BY. STILL CAMERA FOLLOWS THE NOISY BUS AS IT GOES BY. AS THE BUS PASSES, AMIDST THE SINGING OF ‘KUMBAYA’, A VOICE CAN BE HEARD TO SAY, “Can someone open up a window?”
SCENE: SOMEWHERE IN FRANCE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. ON BUS #2, THE CONTINUOUS SOUNDS OF GAS BEING PASSED (THEY ARE, AFTER ALL, VEGETARIANS) FILLS THE NIGHT AIR AMONGST THE SNORING PASSENGERS. SUDDENLY, IN THE BACK OF THE BUS A MAN PUTS A JOINT IN HIS MOUTH, AND PULLS OUT A LIGHTER. AS HE RAISES THE LIGHTER, ONE OF HIS FELLOW HUMAN SHIELDS SNIFFS THE AIR, AND SCREAMS “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”
BUS #2 EXPLODES IN A FIERY NATURAL GAS EXPLOSION.
THE NEXT MORNING, AS POLICE, FIRE, AND AMBULANCE CREWS WORK FRANTICALLY IN THE BACKGROUND, KEVIN IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY CNN ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.
KEVIN: It was the CIA. I’m certain of it. They have been sabotaging this trip since the inception.
CNN REPORTER: So, you say that the CIA blew up one of your buses. What kind of message do you think they are trying to send?
KEVIN: They know that media footage of white body parts being blow apart will cause the American people to look at the impending war in a different light. Americans have no problem killing brown people, and…
CNN REPORTER: So, you are saying this is a racist war?
KEVIN: Yes. This is a Racist Oil War, and it’s bad for the environment too.
CNN REPORTER: Thank you. REPORTER TURNS TO CAMERA. So as you can see, the Peace Convoy has gotten off to a bad start here in the French countryside. Back to you, Anna.
Anyone else want to continue the story???