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Newspaper headlines in 2035

Posted on 02/03/2003 10:56:16 PM PST by Hostage

Newspaper headlines in 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... scientists stumped.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75% Average price of a single family home in Southern California is $2,500,000. and a three bedroom apartment now rents for $8,000 a month.

Celebrating Christmas now officially a felony as it offends too many people.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
The last few days, weeks, months have been heavy with uncertainty and tragedy. Thought this would break a smile or two. Enjoy.
1 posted on 02/03/2003 10:56:16 PM PST by Hostage
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To: Hostage
:-D
2 posted on 02/03/2003 11:04:25 PM PST by BunnySlippers
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To: Hostage; blackie
very perceptive Hostage, and unfortunately perhaps too true.

you should put this in a time capsule to be opened in 2035, (but be sure to explain their meanings) as they may give you a reputation like Nostrodamus, for uncanny accuracy, and

you should also write a book, like Terry Southern.
3 posted on 02/04/2003 2:38:25 AM PST by XBob
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To: Hostage
Very nicely done!
4 posted on 02/04/2003 5:09:37 AM PST by Paul_B
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To: Hostage
Janurary 10, 2035 (AP) As President Elian Gonzalez took the oath of office . . .
5 posted on 02/04/2003 5:22:07 AM PST by ChadGore
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To: Hostage
September 11, 2035 Kost, Afghaanistan. Today the last 'good' muslim killed the last 'real' mulsim thus ending an age old argument, and bringing the forgoten faith to an early exinction.

har har

6 posted on 02/04/2003 5:26:02 AM PST by ChadGore
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To: XBob
"Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock."

Abolish the ESA!

Be Well - Be Armed - Be Safe - Molon Labe!

7 posted on 02/04/2003 10:30:08 AM PST by blackie
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To: Hostage
LOL
8 posted on 02/04/2003 10:56:38 AM PST by KineticKitty
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