One man's fantasy world, one real world in jeopardy (Univ. Mega barf alert)

We have a major national security problem on our hands. There's a man -- a deceitful man -- who has consistently lied to the world, jeopardizing the safety of Americans. As long as he stays in power, we are at a greater risk of terrorist attack. As long as he continues to disregard the truth, spouting lies into the air, this international bully will threaten our safety. This man must be stopped: George Bush.

President Bush insists that we are in immediate danger from without. He insists that we must wage preemptive war to defend ourselves against imminent attack. In a recent speech, he said, "there is universal agreement that Saddam Hussein poses as serious threat." Perhaps by "universal agreement," he meant, "everyone except the CIA and other intelligence experts."

On Oct. 7, the head of the CIA announced that Iraq currently poses a "low" threat. This threat would increase exponentially, he declared, if Saddam Hussein "conclude[d] that a U.S.-led attack could no longer be deterred."

And what better way to ensure this conclusion than by threatening him with war unless U.N. inspectors return to Iraqi territory accompanied by the U.S. Army, establishing military camps throughout the country. Submit to invasion or we will attack. Far from U.S. self-defense, this policy increases Saddam's likeliness to use weapons of mass destruction. We are provoking a dictator who will not, in all likelihood, attack unless provoked.

This is common knowledge amongst intelligence officials. But Bush isn't entirely interested in "facts" or the analysis of seasoned professionals. In fact, many in the CIA now claim that the Defense Department is pressuring them to modify their analysis to suit pre-determined international policy. According to The Los Angeles Times, many officials accuse Donald Rumsfeld of ordering them to press the issue of Iraq-al Qaeda connections, despite a harrowing lack of evidence supporting such a link.

Indeed, despite this evidence void, Bush speaks of Hussein and Osama bin Laden as though they were roommates. The CIA will go so far as to say that Iraq and al Qaeda have "senior level contacts," and an agreement of "reciprocal non-aggression." They claim that al Qaeda members received chemical weapons training in Iraq.

However, British intelligence, unhampered by unethical U.S. executive coercion, doesn't quite comply. One intelligence source, when asked if al Qaeda and Iraq were in cahoots, responded, "quite the opposite." British officials cite evidence that Hussein is actually actively distancing himself from both al Qaeda and Palestinian terrorists, a scenario actually makes much more sense than the Bush "they're all working together" fantasy. Saddam's secular regime would naturally feel quite threatened by religious extremists.

However, as the CIA announcement clarifies, the less Saddam has to lose, the more likely he is to establish contacts with al Qaeda, planning terror attacks against Americans. To quote the most chilling portion of the CIA document, "Saddam might decide that the extreme step of assisting Islamist terrorists in conducting a W.M.D. attack against the United States would be his last chance to exact vengeance by taking a large number of victims with him."

Therefore, by threatening Saddam with imminent attack, Bush is pressing him to ally himself with bin Laden, therefore completing this deadly self-fulfilling prophecy. When Bush goes around spouting lies about the connection between these two murderers, he ensures their union. The more direct danger, then, is not Saddam or bin Laden, but Bush himself.

Even aside from provoking terrorism, Bush threatens the U.S. by waging a hugely expensive war in a depressed economy. And since this war will most likely extract itself out over a long period of time, our deepening recession will have little hope of imminent salvation.

And, more abstractly, and perhaps most frighteningly, Bush threatens the foundation of America itself. Article VI of the Constitution reads: "This Constitution, and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States, shall be the supreme law of the land."

Those treaties, which are, again, "the supreme law of the land" include the U.N. Charter. To violate that treaty by waging an unapproved, unilateral war against Iraq wouldn't just defy international law -- it would be unconstitutional. It would be, literally, anti-American.

Upset? The vice president will be on campus this Friday. Let him know what you think.

One man's fantasy world, one real world in jeopardy

We have a national security problem of utterly inconsquential proportions on our hands. There's a man -- a stupid man -- who has consistently been utterly stupid to the Daily Pennsylvanian's world, jeopardizing the sanity of a small subset of Americans. As long as he is able to hire enough monkeys to pound on keyboards, or himself drinks enough strange exotic hallucinatory liquors and the Daily Pennsylvanian in some dark fit of bleak theater of the absurd humor continues to publish his offal, we are at a greater risk of utterly losing our minds. As long as he continues to disregard the truth, spouting inane, unfounded and absurd lies into the air, this intercranially demented bully will threaten our sanity and health. This man must be stopped: Dan Fishbback.

Dan Fishback insists that we are in immediate danger without any substantiation beyond his own internal demons. He insists that we must apply to the welfare office of preemptive stupidy to defend ourselves against imminent attack. In a recent letter, he said, "there is universal agreement that George W. Bush poses a serious threat and is stealing all the blueberry cereal pieces out of the boxes of Trix in my cupboards." Perhaps by "universal agreement," he meant, "everyone except the CIA, other intelligence experts, Darva Conger. Pat Sajak, Wayne Newton, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and the 1926 Philadelphia Athletics" With Dan Fishback, it's hard to know what he means. We might say just say he's bothered, maybe hormonal, even bipolar, I mean who knows?

Dan Fishback takes the CIA at it's word. So what if the are in the "misdirection" business, and as we know Iraq is our enemy and Iraq knows we are their enemy, and we are all set up to attack Iraq for very good cause and our national secority assets would surely be trying to obfuscate and confuse them as much as possible before strike. Yet the As Dan Fishback says -- taking the CIA at it's word, "On Oct. 7, the head of the CIA announced that Iraq currently poses a 'low' threat. This threat would increase exponentially if Saddam Hussein concludes that a US attack could no longer be deterred."

Why that could not make any sense whatsoever to any men and women with any small modicum of common sense and sanity, except as pre-strike misdirection and obfuscation yet to Dan Fishman it is as if Carl Sagan has returned from the dead bearing the two tablets enscribed by Bertrand Russell, Diety, that explain everything and why 1+1=2.

Stop with those tablets already, Dan Fishman -- perhaps you have taken too many of them! Replace all the spite and gullibility you seem to found your "logic" on with some good old common sense and reason.

As an American Identity Major surely Dan Fishback would want to preserve the very America that gives rise to and makes bountiful all those identities. That is all Mr. Bush and the soon to visit Mr. Cheney wish to do. Hard to preserve ourselves if we were to set back and twaddle on peaceably while Iraq builds up its well-hidden arsenal of weapons meant to kill thousands and millions at once. It's absolutely clear what we must do to perserve our American Identity and Mr. Bush is bold, committed and good for doing it.

We have a major national security problem on our hands. There's a man -- a deceitful man -- who has consistently lied to the world, jeopardizing the safety of Americans. As long as he stays in power, we are at a greater risk of terrorist attack. As long as he continues to disregard the truth, spouting lies into the air, this international bully will threaten our safety. This man must be stopped: George Bush.

Every lame-ass, nothing-new-to-say, yokel internet journalist wannabe starts off their high-pitched screed with this “I’ll bet you think I’m talking about Saddam Hussein” intro.

Good lord Fishbrain, grow an original thought in your head. Or at least steal a less trite one.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.