Hat American Eagle Direct EmbroideredDirert Embroidered American Eagle with Flag, USA on the bill, Quality CraftsmanShip, Produced for US Companies, Made in Vietnam--
This is off topic but something I wrote about the V.A.
MY DOCTORS APPOINTMENT-
All of this is true-
Got into the VA hospital for a routine exam, but as the day turned out, it was anything but routine.
Decided that the first order of business was a cup of coffee and a donut. Went down to this little alcove where they give away coffee for donations. There was this little old lady, about 80, pouring coffee into the pot. A guy in a wheel chair asked for one of her donuts. She laid into him, calling him a poor imitation of a man, telling him to wait this turn, etc. He said “excuuuuuuse MEEEE”, with sarcasm. Then she let into him, me, 3 other guys, and another lady. She said “we never get any tips for all the coffee we make, the napkins we give away, the cups, or anything”. Unfortunately, I started laughing, and she noticed it. Then it was my turn. She turned her wrath on me. I listened until she ran down (about a min or two). When she paused to take a breath, I quietly asked her what she was like when she had a bad day? That brought down the onlookers, everybody just roared. Smoke started coming out of her ears. She said that she wasn’t going to volunteer any more Mondays. And she tottered off down the hall.
My appointment came. The nurse called me into the room, gave me one of those paper dresses they call a gown, and told me to strip to my skivvies. I did. Got on the examination table, laid down and waited. Guess what, a lady doctor walks in, introduces her self as Dr. XXX, from the Middle East. I’m not going to say anything, but thoughts did go thru my mind.
Dr. XXX starts typing on the computer, with her back to me. I noticed that the exam table had stirrups on the end, so I stuck my heels into them. She turned around, saw what I had done, and said “I don’t think that is necessary”. It went down hill from there.
She listened to my heart, heard a murmur (I have had it all my life) and asked me what the source of the murmur was? I was at a loss for words, couldn’t remember the correct word, so I said “ Genital?”. She said, in her accent “you mean congenital?”. After I quit giggling, I said “yes”.
As she was pulling on the rubber gloves and coating them with KY jelly, she said “ jump off the table, and pull down your underwear”. Not wanting to get ahead of her, I waited for the dreaded words “bend over”. She said them, and I did. She said “spread your cheeks”, soooo, I reached up and pulled the cheeks on my face apart. Bad mistake, this lady didn’t have a sense of humor at all. After I started obeying her commands, I found out why she used the KY jelly all over the glove. It is a good thing she wasn’t wearing a watch.
She said, “pull up your underwear”. I did, she then said “get up on the table“, I started to, when she said “ wait I want to see....”. She only got that far, when I pulled down the underwear, knowing she was going to check out other parts. She finished her sentence “..... your feet and legs”. Then she giggled. There is one thing a man doesn’t want to have happen. Stand in front of your female Doctor, naked, and have her giggle.
This Doctor had no tact. Her next question to me was if I wanted a prescription for Viagra? I couldn’t have been more embarrassed, so I said “sure, bring it on”. She asked me how many I needed in a month, I said 15. She looked at me sternly and said “ now, realistically, how many do you need in a year?” I said “realistically, give me 3 for the year, I can throw away the 2 left over”.
Exam was over, so I went down the hall to the coffee pot. The volunteer wasn’t there, so I got a cup of coffee, went to the phone, to set up my next appointment. Damn, the volunteer was there, by the phones. She told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t allowed in that part of the hospital with coffee or food. I innocently asked her why she had coffee on her cart then. She told me that it wasn’t any of my business, but she was delivering coffee to the nurses. I asked her for a refill, but she refused.
Went out to the courtyard for a cigarette. Doc XXX was there, being served coffee by the volunteer. Dr. XXX asked me why I didn’t tell her I smoked. I said “after 20 years in the Army, I don’t volunteer anything; besides, I like to smoke.” She said “when you are sucking oxygen off a little roll around cart; I’ll have a bumper sticker printed up that says ”I LIKE TO SMOKE””. She put me on a no smoking program, right then and there.