I live in Massachusetts. While not an "Armpit", because of some of our more famous politicians..(Who cold I possibly mean? These conversations make a man needa DRINK!)I humbly nominate the place for the "place they would put the hose".
Since we have Cambridge and Brookline as an East Coast response to California's Berkely this may let California off the hook for the distinction.
Consider the horrible moral dilemma I had a few years ago; The Company wanted me to relocate to California! Well! Some choice.
I took a layoff. Why move when I am already someplace like it??
Your #15 literally made me LOL. :) Congrats......that doesn't happen often. :)
But winters are warmer in California.........Okay,.... hell is warmer too.