Skip to comments.Looking for love: Dr. Laura Schlessinger reveals why fewer men are interested in marriage
Posted on 07/01/2002 4:47:55 AM PDT by JohnHuang2
From the Klickitat Wildlife area of Washington state comes this startling fact about gray squirrels: It seems that male squirrels are eager to mate two-thirds of the year, while females get passionate for less than a day actually, for six hours.
This is the explanation scientists have for the dwindling gray squirrel population. This means that males must cover a lot of ground in search of mates receptive to their advances. Many of them appear to give up.
According to a recent report from the Rutgers University National Marriage Project, human males have not given up on mating (sex), but have given up on bonding (marriage). How to explain why young men are avoiding marriage? The thousands of calls, faxes and letters I get each month from my radio audience a cross-section of America has given me some insight into this problem.
It is the unusual caller or listener of any age who isn't divorced, divorcing or the product of divorce. These multiple losses and failures do not make young people of either gender feel secure and hopeful about commitment. But, why might males respond more negatively? Simple. Men know that when there is a divorce, they all-too-often lose their children.
There isn't one day on the air that I don't take calls from men who want out of their marriages because their wives have shut off sex, love and intimacy, or have had an affair. These men are devastated. They feel completely victimized by a legal-social work system that will readily relegate them to visiting their own children some four days a month, no matter how much more competent they are as parents than the wives, whose behavior toward them or the children has destroyed the home.
Then there are the calls from career women who have hit their late 30s and figure that they may never have children if they don't make 'em right now. Because they make good money, they just don't need a husband. I can't believe how effective the feminist movement has been with brainwashing women that money replaces husbands, fathers and marriage! I tell these women that it is cruel and self-centered to intentionally rob a child of a father, and inquire how will they raise a son to value his place in life, society and family?
Men, largely brought up by nannies, day-care centers and baby sitters, are starting to see family life as peripheral to their main focus of success and acquisition. Many men no longer take traditional pride in supporting their families. In fact, many demand that their wives work to help them attain the life style they would like, no matter the cost to the children or the marriage.
Then, of course, there is the liberated sexual atmosphere of today. Middle school girls are performing oral sex on boys in the classroom. High school and college girls are "hooking up," which means sex without context, without love, without promise, without commitment or obligation. The irony is that these girls and women liberated from the so-called double standard are not happier.
On the contrary, they are ultimately devastated by the lack of respect and security they experience, and grow in cynicism about even attaining intimacy. Nonetheless, the men have discovered that they can get sex and companionship for nothing! Men are astonished to discover they don't even need to court a woman, tell little romantic lies about love or the future. All they have to do is show up!
Evidently, I shock the audience when I tell women callers who are having sex or shacking up that they are foolishly behaving like unpaid whores. I say that men used to, at least, have to pay hard cash for a little action without deeper meaning, and now they are just serving it up for nothing.
Last, but definitely not least, is the disdain I ordinarily hear from women about their men. Women have become remarkably crass about meeting the needs of men they are committed to and condescending about masculinity, in general. I take calls everyday from women who belittle their husbands' feelings and resent their perfectly reasonable requests for love and attention.
Put all of this together and it is easy to see why young men are not interested in committing themselves to a woman. Like the gray squirrels, it's hard to find a female who's really interested in love.
What do we expect when a generation has grown up watching television shows that dependably portray the man of the house as the baffoon, the butt of all jokes, the person the kids make fun of with the consent if not participation of the mom.
Our society has created this atmosphere through its "entertainment". Now we reap the rewards.
Men settle because they expect to get something ie children, sex, someone to take care of them. In the old days, women catered to their husbands as a matter of survival since they (usually)could not tend the farm by themselves or couldn't get a decent job. It really didn't suck to be a man so men went along with the idea. Nowadays, women can get good jobs and men are generally reduced to being ATM's and backup baby sitters. Not only that, women expect men to be "women with penises", quick to empathize and "share their feelings" which is a very unmanly characteristic. Men share flatulence, not feelings.
It's no wonder more of my friends are single and in no hurry to get married.
My nominee for tomorrow's quote of the day. LOL.
I'm reminded of the old saying, Why buy the cow, when you're getting the milk for free.
That's what my gramma used to say, and she was right!
The liberated, modern, young woman who has climbed into the sack with every dude in the state has little value as a mate. And, somehow, they just don't understand what they are doing wrong. No self-respecting or intelligent man would tie his own fortunes in with such a companion.
All too many people never sit down and figure out what it is that they really want. Instead, they take cues from popular culture, i.e. the television and just go with the flow.
Women who decide they really want a home and family are belittled and scorned in popular culture as deadbeats. Men who want a home and family are ridiculed as being either timid and weak, or overbearing buffoons looking for a slave.
So marriage and family is portrayed as the domain of losers in popular culture.
As a result, sex becomes something you do to someone else, not with them, and that goes double for men. It isn't the center of marriage and making a family. It is a drug, and you have no more care for the other person than any other pill you might pop.
Happiness and contentment is not possible without maturity, and you cannot mature if you fail to make big decisions involving big commmitment.
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