No. Is that about some one that stabbed Rick's former abuser then committed suicide?
"There were so many clues and red flags. One guy knew it was Matthew, wonder if he tried to alert the authorities.
I think that was the person from the youth group that remembered him from 2002. He only made the connection to Murray after the events occurred. He described some behavior which would naively indicate the onset of schizophrenia, but I haven't seen much that indicates it was severe if present. There's no indication of blunted emotions I've seen. His problems apparently went critical when he was ~17, and was put on drugs. I doubt very much that the "doc" that put him on those was competent. The owner of the xpentacostal board that called the FBI after one of his last posts.
As Quix noted, he had a schizoid personality. That means he was severely introverted. The isolation I'm sure compounded that, if not causing it out right. That type of personality does not indicate schizophrenia, but can precede it, or lead to it. I haven't looked at all the writings that were available, just scanned them as I tried to grab them, before they disappeared. It appears that he invented some friends, in particular, a girl whose experiences are probably his. That's called a schizoid fantasy, where the person invents their own friends, because they are incapable of doing so otherwise. The fantasy results from an attempt to hide the loneliness and their own inability to break it through their own efforts at social interaction. In addition to the girl, he went to at least one concert, and an imaginary party with these "friends".
"Somehow he still knew that God was love,"
He didn't know what love is and he didn't know who God was. At 17, he came to the conclusion that he wasn't "saved", which was also the time he notes, that he was given the drugs. At that point he definitely needed competent psychiatric help, not drugs, pastors praying over him, rummaging through his stuff, and a send off to Youth camp, a place where he was sure to be rejected and chastised. He had neither the mental skills to deal with himself, nor the social skills to interact with others. From there it just went down hill.
"By the time you are in this kind of abnormal mental state, everybody rejects you."
Not everyone, but considering the environment he was in and attempted to be in, the rejection was inevitable and the help offered would have been worthless, because they were unable and unwilling to recognize what they had in front of them. He was a "sinner" foremost, in addition to being an unrecognized cripple. Just being a good friend to such a personality type and teaching them how to deal with the world can reverse both prior damage and the introversion itself. It can result in significant personality change, capacity for productive social interaction, all through the establishment of a firm concept of self that's developed and reinforced through friendship.
If your conclusions are correct, would there have been help for him, a group that he would have fit in, and if so what kind of group?
He didn’t know what love is and he didn’t know who God was. At 17, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t “saved”, which was also the time he notes, that he was given the drugs. At that point he definitely needed competent psychiatric help, not drugs, pastors praying over him, rummaging through his stuff, and a send off to Youth camp, a place where he was sure to be rejected and chastised. He had neither the mental skills to deal with himself, nor the social skills to interact with others. From there it just went down hill.
= = =
I think you are quite right about that.
Much wisdom in your post. Thx.
Not everyone, but considering the environment he was in and attempted to be in, the rejection was inevitable and the help offered would have been worthless, because they were unable and unwilling to recognize what they had in front of them. He was a “sinner” foremost, in addition to being an unrecognized cripple. Just being a good friend to such a personality type and teaching them how to deal with the world can reverse both prior damage and the introversion itself. It can result in significant personality change, capacity for productive social interaction, all through the establishment of a firm concept of self that’s developed and reinforced through friendship.
= = =
I think that’s a VERY PREGNANTLY TRUE PARAGRAPH as well. And I think that most folks are ill prepared to be that kind of friend. But those who will risk it AND PERSIST THROUGH THICK AND THIN IN THE BEST CHRIST’S LOVE THEY CAN MANAGE—can change some incredibly sick people thoroughly around.
SPUNKETS HAD THE CS LEWIS QUOTE on his home page:
“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” — C. S. Lewis
Is that about some one that stabbed Rick's former abuser then committed suicide?
I think you have the right one, but it was my understanding that Rick stabbed the former alleged abusers then killed himself.
I think that was the person from the youth group that remembered him from 2002. He only made the connection to Murray after the events occurred.
My chronology could be off, but it was my impression that he heard the news about Arvada, made the comment, before the New Life shooting. I could certainly be wrong. Believe he is now in SA, so maybe there was a delay in the reporting, must have made the world news.
He described some behavior which would naively indicate the onset of schizophrenia, but I haven't seen much that indicates it was severe if present. There's no indication of blunted emotions I've seen. His problems apparently went critical when he was ~17, and was put on drugs
I read about Prozac, didn't know how many others were tried. It didn't strike me as classic schizophrenia as I have come to understand it, voices notwithstanding, but then I am not a professional.
That means he was severely introverted. The isolation I'm sure compounded t
The analysis in that whole paragraph I would tend to agree with.
He didn't know what love is and he didn't know who God was. At 17, he came to the conclusion that he wasn't "saved", which was also the time he notes, that he was given the drugs. At that point he definitely needed competent psychiatric help, not drugs, pastors praying over him, rummaging through his stuff, and a send off to Youth camp, a place where he was sure to be rejected and chastised.
For sure except I think he at least had an inkling of what love should be even if he was unable to respond to or feel it within himself. Believing he had lost his salvation really seemed to have tipped the scales, agreed, plus elsewhere he talks about the mark of the beast, being left behind, naming just about every pastor in that milieu, couldn't understand why so many different interpretations. The latter I don't find crazy at all. Who can? He didn't have the skills to go on his own personal journey, well he ended up doing that, didn't he? But I mean, the programming and spying. He wasn't able to find the right help, often the case. Fortunately most don't end up choosing this route, probably see more of it in the future, some will read those blogs, relate and think maybe it is cool.
Not everyone, but considering the environment he was in and attempted to be in, the rejection was inevitable and the help offered would have been worthless, because they were unable and unwilling to recognize what they had in front of them. He was a "sinner" foremost, in addition to being an unrecognized cripple.
Cripple pretty well nails it. Sinner? One of the mildest until near the end imo, then he lost all restraints, wouldn't even use bad language in his pain and anger until I read the final posts on usenet. That was his self-perception, probably had been drummed into him. We all are, of course, but that business can get overplayed. I used to read a catholic recovery group. That was a common element in the way *some* experienced it, tended to be the more sensitive, think-for-yourself types, but surely so with a lot of fundamentalist types. None of those that I know committed any atrocities. They took their anger (justifiable in many cases) and lashed out verbally against the church. That is just a for instance for illustrative purposes of damaged peoples' coping mechanisms, don't mean to single out any group in particular. It tends to show up in sects where legalisms and rules are employed.
Please before anyone takes offense, let me emphasize that these are a very small subset of the groups I used to try to make a point. Most seem quite comfortable where they are, and if they aren't, I wouldn't know it unless I knew them better.
But just as curious are the Amish with their lifestyle in the sense that their religious beliefs dominate their entire lives, not that I know how they handle sins or their theology, must be a lot of love there but also very strict, hard combo to get right. The strong sense of community and belonging would be a big plus there unless you are unfortunate enough to get shunned which I believe they employ. Never heard of one yet going off like this, sure some rebel at times.