I hate to intrude on this exchange, but I have seen what might be considered as black sheeps of the family. In a particular case, when junior high hit, the child completely changed....into a rebellious, mean spirited teen, who chose the wrong crowd to hang around, and at a 20+, still making self-destructive decisions. It's so sad, because the family did everything they could think of to help provide resources, and tons of choices to to that particular child...it didn't help her save her from herself. However, it's a choice the child is making. A lot of teens make poor choices..learn from them and grow out of it. Parents can only do so much, before they have to turn it all over to God, pray for the best for all...and attempt to feel peace..under the circumstances.
I like to refer to proverbs...the one that says, (paraphrased) train a child the way they should go, and when they are an adult, they will not stray from it. ( can't remember the exact verse.
Some kids choose to remain on the wrong path....and have to hit bottom numerous times before they get back on path..if ever.
Kim, I too have seen things like you suggest. However, one must not discount that perhaps this child experienced things that the parents did not know about that were influencing her actions. I would never be one to say that it is always the fault of the parents that a child rebels, or makes self-destructive decisions. However, in my experience, one sometimes finds out years later that something happened to cause this change — not always within their family unit. Just wanted to throw that out there... :)
A few questions:
1. What happened with the father and that daughter ages 1-8?
2. How much time did the dad spend focusing on that daughter just warmly, healthily, affectionately loving her and affirming her as valued for who she was regardless of how she did?
3. How much special 1:1 time did Dad have with that daughter 1-8? HOw many dates did he take just her on such as to lunch, dinner or a fun movie?
4. How much did dad just listen to her and actively respond in ways that showed he heard and felt her emotions and understood her world and something of what it was like inside her skin 1-8?
5. How vulnerable with her was the dad 1-8 about his own failings and overcomings? How humble was he with her?
6. How often and how well did he come along side and help her through rough spots without being demanding, controlling or perfectionistic?
7. How often did he come along-side her and just sit and share the same view looking out on the world together showing her that she was valuable to him without her having to do anything; perform well; avoid mistakes etc.?
I’m guessing zilch or close to zilch.