On somewhat of a tangent, myself . . .
All my professional life, folks have . . . pontificated about teens etc.
Thankfully, research now affirms my own conclusions . . .
Teen years do NOT have to be traumatic for teens or parents of teens.
Quite a number of parents succeed in rearing children who, when they reach their teen years still manage quite an agreeable unfolding maturing relationship that includes a lot of growing evolving freedom for the teens matched to their evolving maturity—all with relatively little to no great emotional conflicts and outbursts.
I realize many parents do not achieve such a wonderous state.
My bias is that quality teen years relationships between teens and parents is set-up in the bonding attachment of the first 8 years of life.
Add to that a well managed pre-teen period, the teen years should be fine.
But that requires LOTS OF TIME, CARING, HEALTHY AFFECTION, INTENSE ACTIVE LISTENING ETC. all along the way.
Would your experience with your teens affirm my conclusions and observations, or not?
Yes and no.
Yes, making good parenting choices helps the teen years go smoothly.
But no, that is no guarantee of smooth sailing.
I have seen far too many families, where all the kids were given pretty much the same upbringing by the parents, yet the amount of rebellion ranged from almost non-existent to off-the-charts.
I will affirm this, Quix... My eldest daughter (who just turned 16) and I don’t always see eye to eye (does any child and parent???). HOWEVER, our relationship is lightyears away from the rebellion, anger, wrath, rage, malice, and craziness, etc... that marked the relationship between my father and I at her age.
In counseling when I was a young adult (19-23), repeatedly the same thing kept coming to the forefront in my mind and was at the bottom of a host of problems — “WHY DIDN’T HE LOVE ME”. My father would say, “But I worked hard to give you this nice house, 2 cars, etc.. etc..” (I lived in an upper-middle class area and didn’t go without any MATERIAL needs). I recall saying to him one day literally, “I don’t care about any of that stuff, I could care less. We could live in a slum for all I care. All I’ve ever wanted was your love...”.
So yes, I would have to say your analysis fits in perfectly with my experiences.
That is one thing I am so grateful of... My children, indeed my family, have had our fair share of problems through their childhood (my being assaulted, losing our home, etc.. etc..) however, they have had one constant that I never had — they KNOW that their Dad and I love them unconditionally... And, THAT, has made all the difference in the world as to how they have handled some of the harder parts of our lives thus far... I thank the L-rd for that.
Oh, and my daughter just showed up and read this... And she agrees, too! ;)